24 February 2012

Red Wings Streak Ends at 23

The record-breaking streak is finally broken. That's how I feel in my heart..."broken". They say "all good things must come to an end," but I never thought I would have ended like this. Despite being out-shot, out-hustled, and the absence of Pavel Datsyuk, I don't think any of that had to do with the loss. The main factor is the fact that a close, but will remain unnamed, friend did not take me to the game. On Todd Bertuzzi bobble-head night, of all games. He has the audacity to call me minutes before he enters "the Joe" to tell me how I've been trumped by his girlfriend for the night. I bite my tongue and wish them well, knowing that as much as I do enjoy his girlfriend, I know that I have been in the arena for 4 out of the 23 home wins, and she has not been there for one. I hang up the phone and place my head in my hands. Hockey superstition sets in, and I begin to sweat. Here I am sitting on the same couch in my living room, in the same underwear, wearing my same Red Wings hat, and eating the same dinner I've had before every Red Wings home win during the streak, and something just felt off. Okay, maybe I'm exaggerating, and I know it's not completely their fault the Wings lost. But I'd be lying if I said that I didn't think that, had it been my butt in the seats at "the Joe", the Red Wings would be looking to win #25 on Saturday. Save the date nights for Pistons games, boss. Let this be a lesson to us all.

Combine, Schmombine

The NFL combine is so lackluster. I feel like everything I hear about it is how a lot of the drills aren't really important in assessing a player. so this year there's only 2 aspects of the combine that I'll keep an eye out for.

1. 225 lb bench press - I wanna see how many times these guys can bench 225 solely to compare it to my boy Cuci. I'll see how many times he can throw it up and assess real strength from there. Like Mark Sanchez prolly ripped it 8 times, Cuci could probably do about 22, I would guess. Sanchez: pussy, Cuci: man. But then there's Former Alabama RB Trent Richardson who reps 480 lbs on the reg because "they won't let me go no higher". I bet he gives 225 a ride for about 40 reps.

2. Rich Eisen's 40 yard dash time -

For the past couple years, NFL Network's Rich Eisen has ran a 40 and let NFL Network cover it. In and of itself, this idea is hilarious and brilliant television, but I can't help to feel some disdain for Rich when I heard about this. In 2011, Rich ran a 6.18 second 40. That's pretty damn good, but I'll be damned if I let a 42 year old, University of Michigan grad out run me in the 40. I'd like to think I could crack 5.875 seconds, but reality is, it's probably closer to 6. You better believe I will be running the 40 every year from now on, this time of year, to see if I can beat Rich, and if I don't I might just retire athletics for life.

22 February 2012

Stars and Bars Baby!

It was 32 years ago today that "The Miracle on Ice" happened in Lake Placid, NY. United States Olympic hockey team ousted Russia on its way to winning the Gold! This shit gives me the chills every time I watch it. A true underdog story combined with the greatest country on God's green earth layin it down! You're a FOOL if you think this isn't a good enough reason to get a USA chant going at the bar this weekend. A damn fool I tell ya! So smoke em' if ya got em'. Here's lookin at you, Uncle Sam!

21 February 2012

Six to Midnight : Kate Upton Making Michigan Proud!

20 February 2012

Pitchers, Catchers and Fielder(s). Oh my!

Holy Shit! Holy Shit! Holy Shit! Is this real life? Look, I know we signed this dude weeks ago. Trust me, I almost lost my job over trying to get my season tix package renewed. But this is the real deal right heeya! Pitchers and Catchers reported to Lakeland today. Oh and so did Prince Fielder..

And Miggy...

..sober Miggy, at that.

This like makes it official right? Prince Fielder is officially "in a relationship" with the Detroit Tigers (and me too by default). He and Miggy were chatting it up (Oh, to be a fly on the wall for that convo) before they went and swung the sticks. Spring Training is here, and opening day is right around the corner. I can already taste the beers at Elwood's, and the snatch at bouzoukis... and the stale bologna at Wayne County Correctional. We got a wicked wild crew this year and you better believe your bottom when I say we're selling DTBC swag outside CoPa all summer! "Throw Some D on That Pitch!" Justin Verlander shirts on the reg!

On a more important note, I think this marks the 1 year anniversary of my first post. This blog has lasted longer than all of my past girlfriends combined. Touche, Coalition...Touche.

15 February 2012

RIP Whitney....(I guess?)

Now let me be clear, I'm not blowing off Whitney Houston's death as just another insignificant story. She did die too soon and had an awesome voice. But I'm not gonna praise her life and light a candle cuz she's gone (she's no MJ). But she did make one of my favorite dance songs of all time. "I wanna dance with somebody" is timeless to say the least. Any time I hear this after 3 vodka/waters, I just GOTTA Dance! No matter the time of day or venue. This. Gets. Me. Going! If anything there's now more reason to play this song 4 times a night for the next 6 weekends.

And how did I not know how AWESOME this video is! I'm gonna drunk blog this video on my phone on the reg. Live on location at some shitty bar in Royal Oak. @WildWildSteve #GetAtMe

All I do is Lin Lin Lin. No Matter What!

Is Jeremy Lin not the hottest thing out right now? Linsanity! Lin Diesel! He's the Tebow of the NBA. Except he's good at what he does... And probably has never given a circumcision to anyone. I picked this dude up on my fantasy waivers and I've been killing it ever since. Like he makes the rest of my roster better. Why can't The Pistons luck out like this? Just invite a guy to play on your D-league squad and then when he gets his chance he shines. Walker D Russel just aint gonna cut it, Joe. Gotta run though, I got a bandwagon to jump on!

That's Somebody's Daughter (Part II)

Yes. Honey Boo Boo is, unfortunately, somebody's daughter...

YouTube Me, Bro...

I can almost hear this kid saying "YouTube me Bro!" as he skates away. Seems like the same kind of dude that turns down playing in a beer league when he's 26 because he's thinking "the competition isn't up to his level." Probably gonna grow up to be a miserable prick that hits his wife. But that's just a theory. Don't even THINK about bringing this shit around The Wildcats. Especially come playoff time. Little Doug'll put you on your ass faster than you can say "YouTube me!" #Smashtag

Seriously though, how sick is this goal?

14 February 2012

A Red Wings Valentine's Day Treat

10 February 2012

Where Amazing Happens

...and this is why I love this game!

02 February 2012

Wildcats Playoff Run

What are the odds we can get this goin at Troy Ice Arena next Friday? Million to 1? So you're saying there's a chance?! Wildcats set to make a playoff push here in the month of February. WildSteve has already promised Jimmy Howard(Yes, our goalie's real name is Jimmy Howard) prostitutes after we win the 'ship. So why not dazzle the metro Detroit area with 1500 fans and a confetti explosion to watch the Wildcats bring home the Men's league trophy? We could get the legendary Jim Brockmeir to call the game, Mickey on the color commentary. Gotta shoot for the moon here folks. So come be a part of a sports fan flash mob, preferably uncontrollably drunk, and make a beer league hockey player's dream come true.

01 February 2012

Eaasssy Money...

Well Super Bowl is right around the corner and for all you compulsive gamblers out there, Bovada has released all the prop bets. These are basically the bets on any and everything that is involved with the Super Bowl. Some people have a serious problem with this shit. They get in way too deep. Last year my old man celebrated the coin toss, said he dropped $2500 on it. To this day I don't really know if he was kidding or serious. I digress.

Well if parlays and betting the Vegas line isn't really the thing for you; The Coalition has some absolute LOCKS for the prop bets that can turn you a quick dime:

Bet 1: Over/Under 1:34 for Kelly Clarkston to sing the National Anthem
I timed out a performance at a Cowboys game at 1:32. Close call but you gotta figure this is the biggest stage of them all. See, home girl hasn't been in the spotlight much lately and she's ready to rock this son bitch. I bet she gets a long "glare,' "free," and most definately a stellar "brave" that puts her will into 1:45.

Bet 2: Kelly Clarkston will omit at least 1 word from the Nationl Anthem
Again, KC's got a lot to prove out here today.She's got a new CD that dropped and a hit single. This is what stars are made of. I got faith in my girl here.
BET - There isn't a "No" option, I just really expect her to kill The Star Spangled Banner

Bet 3: Will Madonna wear fishnet stockings on the halftime show?
2 words: Varicose. Veins. Chick's way past her prime and I don't think the NFL is trying to bring sexy back to the halftime show anytime soon. Especially not with a Fifty-something Madonna.

Bet 4: Over/Under 3.5 times they show Peyton Manning during the game
Remember that time you re-mortgaged your house, sold your baseball card collection, or donated a bunch of sperm for extra cash? Well this is what you did it for! Eli playing in the house that Peyton built, with retirement talks in the air and a beef with his team's owner? Bet the HOUSE on the over! They show him 5 times at least!

Bet 5 - What color will the Gatorade bath be?
I swear it's always yellow. At 5/2 you can't miss.
BET - Yellow

Other Notable Bets:

Coin Toss - NFC has won the coin toss 14 straight times. As a man of logic and mathematics, I'll go with the AFC this year.

Who MVP Thanks First - Teammates is 5/4. But Brady has a hard on for Belichick and i bet if the Pats win, coach gets first thank you. 12/1 - I'll take it.

Over/Under 1.5 times they show David Tyree's catch from 2008 Super Bowl- Well I've seen it about 1600 times this week alone. I imagine it's going to be a pretty close game, and when crunch time comes, they show it at least once. If there's a challenge flag thrown, there's your over.

Now go out there and put your kids' college fund to good use and make some money! Anything you win you split with The Coalition 60/40. Since I did all the work and we're currently banned from Google AdSense for trying to cheat the system. We're broke bitch!