30 November 2011

Cheating GF Gets Shit on...Literally?

Tattoo artist Ryan Fitzgerald from Dayton, OH was hit with a $100,000 lawsuit last week by his ex-girlfriend Rossie Brovent. She claims that her boyfriend was supposed to tattoo a scene from Narnia on her back but instead tattooed an image of a pile of excrement with flies buzzing around it.

Apparently, Ryan found out that Rossie had cheated with a long-time friend of his, but instead of confronting her about it he acted like everything was normal and hatched a plan for revenge. Originally, Rossie tried to have Ryan charged with assault, but the ingenious tattoo artist had covered his bases by plying Rossie with wine and tequila shots and getting her to sign a consent form that stated the design was “at the artist’s discretion.”

No word from Rossie on whether the illicit night of passion with Ryan’s friend was worth it. Moral of the story? Never cheat on a tattoo artist.

Now I've never been cheated on (and found out at least), but I imagine that if I had been, this woulda been a perfect plot of revenge. Granted, I don't have the tools or the steady hand to tattoo a steaming heap of shit on the chick's back, but something equally humiliating and permanent. Sure, you could easily go the route of Eamon, and just whine in melody but what's the fun in that. Mad props to this dude for really stickin it to her and making her rue the day she ever crossed him. Extra credit for suckering her into signing a contract before he inked her. Bro of the week award for sure..ya know, if we did that sort of thing.

By the way what ever happened to Eamon? Dude had a good thing going...

The Path that Led SUH to Where he is now....

This depicts it very accurately if you ask me. From the spitting image of Detroit portrayed by a crooked Ford sign under gloomy skies to the raw power of Suh. The man did this to himself, and the video explains it sufficiently. He can't help that he's 3 times more powerful than any player in the NFL and can rip players limb from limb. The moral of the story: its just money down the shitter.

29 November 2011

Flash Mobs are the jumpoff!

Flash mobs have to be the coolest thing! I would love to be a part of one, but I have no idea how I would even start something like this. I mean they even got little kids to jump in this mother! How do you get everyone to jump out of the right places at the right time? And those moves! Gotta be at least 10 hours of rehearsal a week for 6 weeks, right? These people must have twice the time and 20% more talent than I do. The only other thing that really deters me from putting one on is the off chance that someone at Target is in an emergency situation and just snaps! Like the old man at the 2:30 mark. Look on the dude's face says "Great, now I'm never gonna fucking get out of here!"

We Created a Monster

ALLEN PARK, Mich. (AP)—Ndamukong Suh(notes) is going back to the NFL, this time hoping for some leniency.

The league suspended Detroit’s All-Pro defensive tackle without pay for two games on Tuesday, punishing the second-year player for roughing up a Green Bay Packers offensive lineman after the whistle last week. Suh promptly appealed his suspension, hoping his stomp doesn’t keep him away from his playoff-hopeful teammates when they need him most.

Full Story

Sometimes I wonder who this guys thinks he is. Don't get me wrong. I love Suh just as much as the next guy. I think this "stomp" was more or less a "get the fuck off me" move which every athlete is familiar with. When you come out of the pile you're just flailing around kicking and screaming because you don't know who's coming after you next. This little leg move is similar to shoo-ing away a pet or a red-headed step child. He's not trying to stomp the guy, he's more or less saying get away from me, right now. If Suh actually stomped this idiot, there would be a lineman sized crater in the middle of Ford Field.

That being said, he comes off the field dropping "bullshit" bombs and whining to the Schwartz. Not a good look. This is the NFL, bub. You know, the same league that'll fine you $15 Grr for yelling at a fan or coming in too high on a cupcake QB. You so much as lift your leg to scratch your knee and put it down the wrong way, or pick it up to simulate a dog pissing on a fire hydrant as a celebration and the ref will red card your ass( yes, I'm comparing it to soccer. The NFL is getting close, no?).

The real issue here is Suh's ego. When he called up the commish to apologize he prolly called Goodell's personal celly and called him Rog'. But where does it end? With the Lions missing the playoffs because of his absence? Only time will tell.

I believe Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson said it best. "Know your role, and shut your mouth." You're only a second year guy, Ndomakong. Fly under the radar for a bit and take your licks when you have the opportunity. Don't get all diva on us now, kid. We need ya bad.

27 November 2011

....Hey Yo.....

How I didn't see the original airing of this is beyond me. Scott Hall is "The Wrestler." If you know me and my dream of being a WWE superstar, then you know how excited I am to follow in these footsteps. Kill a man, join WWE, knock a broad up then continue to downward spiral til you can hardly walk. Ahh the good life...

5 Reasons Why I'm glad the NBA is back

Since I'm sure the collective amount of fucks given by the other members of the Coalition about the NBA lockout ending is less than or equal to 1, I'll take it upon myself to spread light on this situation. I've been an avid NBA fan for quite some time now, and seeing all the NBA haters acknowledging their disdain for this sport; I'm a rare breed. A daywalker really. But I got about 5 good reasons why people should be pumped about the NBA getting back on track:

1: Brandon Knight-
Kid was a projected top 3 draft pick and we stole him at number 8 this year. Dude single-handedly carried Kentucky to the Final Four and isnt afraid to make big shots. He's the true point guard this team has been looking for for a while now. If he's as good as I expect him to be, you guys will be back to yelling "DEEETTTROIT BASKKEETBAAAAAAAAAALLLLLL!" in no time.

2. Super Teams -
Heat, Knicks, and Celts all got their big 3. As much as I hate that this is what the league has come to, these guys put on a show. I expect some big time Christmas Day games to kick off the year. Heat-Mavs, Lakers-Celtics, Bulls-Knicks. A plethora of dunks and dimes will overload sporscenter that night. I can understand how no one would want to watch a Pistons-Grizzlies game this year, but these big-time games should be intriguing to all sports fans

3. Lebron James' inevitable choke -

The self-proclaimed King will be back on the court and will be the focal point of every third headline in Sportscenter. He'll act all cool and collective, get a few more commercials, get boo'd out of every city he goes into and he'll probably silence most of them. But when this team struggles it really get my balls tingling. I want nothing more than Lebron to choke every playoff series he's ever in.

4. Pistons' Jersey Numbers -
Has anyone else noticed how they retired Dennis Rodman's number 10 jersey but Greg Monroe continues to wear it? Or that when they drafted Brandon Knight they gave him jersey number 7, which right now belongs to Ben Gordon? Get this shit together.

5. More Sports to Watch! -
Love it or hate it, the NBA is back. If you're a sports junkie like me you're just pumped that you don't have to wait every 3rd day for a Wings game, or your weekly Lions and College football fix. More games, more top plays, more action. It's a win-win

21 November 2011

JV is MVP!

I see you JV!

19 November 2011

MSU Clinches Legends Division, Big Ten Championship Game Berth

...and I just purchased my ticket to the game. I hear Indianapolis is beautiful in December.

15 November 2011


Well I'd be way more excited for this if I didn't see it coming a nautical mile away. My man won the triple crown this year (most wins, strikeouts and lowest WHIP). Missed the Quadruple barely with a 2.40 ERA as to Weaver's 2.28. Dude's sick. Nothing else to say about it. Strikeout master (filthy stuff according to Rod Allen). WHIP that rivals my GPA my Freshman year at Central. And he keeps getting better. Hat's off to you, Mr. Verlander. I say he's got a good shot at MVP as well next week.

-Editors Note: Is this video good or shitty? I just uploaded it and was too lazy to watch the whole thing.

What? I can't just sit here and blog all day I gotta go!

This State Looks Down on Sodomy....

From DetNews:

Associated Press

St. Johns— A mid-Michigan man accused of having sex with a horse has been sentenced to 90 days in jail.

John Mester told a Clinton County judge Monday that he has some psychological issues and his actions were inexcusable. In September, he pleaded guilty to attempted sodomy.

The Lansing State Journal says Mester has been ordered to pay more than $4,000 in restitution to his neighbor, who boards horses. The incident occurred there and was caught on a surveillance camera.

The neighbor says she lost business after a horse owner saw Mester roaming the pasture. Mester was involved in a similar case in 2001 and pleaded no contest to attempted animal torture.

From The Detroit News: http://detnews.com/article/20111115/METRO/111150387/Man-accused-of-having-sex-with-horse-gets-jail-in-Clinton-County#ixzz1dpLJ2n2w

There's so much going on with this story it's making my head spin. Not only has the word "sodomy" been used wayy too much in the media in recent weeks, but this hits a little too close to home. A number of things irk me about this so bear with me as I get you on my level.

First off, how in the blue hell does one go about having sex with a horse? Ever been on one on these things? They're the size of a small crossover vehicle. If raping horses were something that had ever crossed my mind, it would be immediately shot down by me fear of it kicking my balls straight out of my scrote as soon as I got up to it. In the case of Man vs. Horse, horse always kicks the dick clean off of man.

Secondly, this makes me think; "there's a reason why this shit is illegal." From what little I took away from my business law classes is that laws exist for a reason. Home boy here is a repeat offender, so you know this has happened before. First person do do this probably did get their aforementioned dick kicked off, and got a hot shot lawyer to sue the owner of the horse. Now you got some law-makers on Capital Hill, looking at this bill (thank you School House Rock), with their heads in their hands like "OK seriously now we have to make it illegal to fuck horses?"
"Yeah, I mean whatever, pass the thing."

Thirdly, St. John is a weird ass town to begin with. We had a buddy that was from there who we initially assumed was the culprit here. Nice kid, but I distinctly remember a story where MdotNetz was driving around the town with him and they went through a midget village. Which is exactly like it sounds. A village with 1/2 scale houses, cars, shops, the whole nine yards. And some guy just built it? I digress.

When its all said and done though, there has to be some Penn State Equestrian Team joke to be made here, but I don't have the energy for that shit tonight.

14 November 2011

Six to Midnight : Gretzky's Daughter

I hate Gretzky, which makes oogling his daughter that much better.

see Full Gallery

Pictures via theChive

12 November 2011

Happy Veteran's Day Weekend!

Thank you Veterans for all you've done!

Another BIG sports weekend in the D. Good luck to all teams.

08 November 2011

Leave JoPa Aloneeee!!

Really Millen? Crying over this? C'mon buddy; like you didn't rape an entire organization for almost a decade? Don't act so surprised when your alma mater has been doing the same thing, only on a much more literal and disturbing level. I mean the shit at Penn State is pretty twisted. But I really can't blame JoPa for not reporting it. The dude probably forgot where he was 10 minutes after he was told and started to put jelly in his milk like it was totally normal. Alzheimer's will do that shit to ya believe me. But it's always good to see this idiot on TV doing something stupid. Gives people a real sense of what we dealt with for so long. I think crying here is so out of context. I mean, look at the chick's reaction to it. She's so stunned she almost speaks jibberish to fill the dead air. Get it together Millen before you look like this guy(girl?).

06 November 2011

Pump the Breaks Wings Fans

Image courtesy Yahoo! Sports

Red Wings faithful, please settle yourselves. Our boys will be just fine. After the 5 game win streak, I hear things like " Wings are gonna break the single season wins record", and " over/under Jimmy Howard shutouts, 25?" If anything, our fan base should understand that the post NHL salary cap era doesn't allow for feats of years past. Teams have built themselves specifically to slow down the Wings. So after the 6 game losing streak, when I hear a local radio station say "We're gonna have Chris Chelios on today to ask 'why do the Wings suck?'", I cringe.

The argument that the Wings are old is cut short by the fact that Jimmy Howard, Justin Abdelkader, Darren Helm, Valteri Fillpula, Fabian Brunnstrom, Nyquist, Johnathan Eriksson, and Juri Hudler are all under 30. More than half of our top 10 players are under 35. Not that old.

Our new Assistant coaching staff have taken a lot of criticism as well. Jeff Blashill was the head coach at Western Michigan and he single handedly made that program elite. Winning has followed him around.

Admittedly, this post is easy to write after last night's 5-0 beat down on the Ducks. Just let the Wing gather some steam and we'll talk about their performance in late December and judge from there.

Nix the Nickleback

Like any party, music selection is always important. Well, Lions fans have come out in numbers to make it clear that they do not want to hear Canadian rockers Nickleback at halftime of the the team's Thanksgiving game.

An online petition claims that "The Lions ought to think about their fans before choosing such an awful band to play at halftime," and requests that the club replace the band.

With the defending Super Bowl champion Green Bay Packers coming to town while a tryptophan-addled audience tunes in from coast to coast, the Lions will look to make an impression on the field. The city of Detroit also wants to send the right message: They want the rest of us to know that they do not like Nickleback.

Full Story

Just because the last time the Lions had a 6-2, potentially 7-2, record going into Thanksgiving was 2007, and that was the last time Nickleback was actually relevant, does not mean we should give them the time of day. There is no correlation between Nickleback music and the Detroit Lions style of play. I highly doubt Chad Kreoger would be determined "dirty" by a group of his peers. Nickleback isn't the only group set to release an album by the end of 2011. Drake, Rhianna, R.E.M., and John Mayer are all in need of just as much publicity as Nickleback. And as far as the argument that the halftime show is geared toward women, there are very few artists that would appeal to the ladies as much as the aforementioned artists.

The thing that most people don't realize is that besides having below average music, Nickleback has been an inside joke of pop culture since Coldplay fell off.

In my opinion, Nickleback is the only gourp who would agree to only playing a 4 song set and not getting that much money for it. I would say that John Mayer isn't above a short set at this point, but he prolly asks for a milli a show. Bill Ford's pockets aren't that deep. Could you imagine John Mayer busting out with a cocaine-fueled guitar riff, followed by a panty dropper or two, and closing with a Jimi Hendrix cover for good measure? Sounds like success to me.

What Happened? I Blacked Out...

So I've been on quite the hiatus lately, and for that I'm not sorry one bit. I've had probably the best video game binge of my gaming career. Now I never play video games any more, but with this game, I couldn't resist. FIFA 12 is more dangerous than heroin. I was going to write this blog yesterday, but my addiction got the best of me. I actually had to stop mid-posting this to grab the sticks and give it a go. The last time I got this into a video game, my roommate Griff and I beat Halo 3 in college. Also, when Snake used to talk shit and keep me until 5 am until he could finally beat me at NHL 09. I think this is in part of my quarter-life crisis to get some resemblance of my adolescence and college career back. At any rate, if this is affecting anyone of my friends, family, or random blog followers (I see you Russian and Canadian followers) I suggest FIFANON. It's an organization similar to NARCONON or Al-anon, but for FIFA addicts.

02 November 2011

Baybay, baybay, baybay ohhhhh

From Radar Online:

Teen pop icon Justin Bieber got a 20-year-old Californian woman pregnant during a backstage tryst and admitted it was his "first time," she claims in a sensational lawsuitobtained exclusively by Star magazine.

Mariah Yeater filed court papers saying that her sexual encounter with the "Baby" hit-maker occurred on October 25 of last year, after he performed to a sold-out crowd at L.A.'s Staples Center.....

....In a hand-signed affidavit, sworn under the penalty of perjury, Yeater wrote that a security guard working for Bieber approached her and "asked if I wanted to meet Justin Bieber" before whisking her backstage...

..."We went inside and immediately his personality changed drastically. He began touching me and repeatedly said he wanted to f*ck the sh*t out of me. At the time I asked him to put a condom for protection, but he insisted that he did not want to....
..."In his own words, he said that because it was his first time he wanted to feel everything."

Justin then "quickly took off my clothes," she said -- and the pair had sex.....

...Bieber’s reps strenuously deny the woman’s claims, but Yeater wrote in her court declaration: "He was on top of me with my legs around him. At the time I was on top of some type of shelf. The sexual intercourse itself was brief, lasting only approximately 30 seconds."

Well if we've learned anything from the likes of OJ, Lindsey Lohan, and Ray Lewis; its that celebrities have at least one "get out of jail free card" up their sleeve. I mean odds are this is either really Bieber's kid, or this bitch is straight off her rocker and would do anything to get her name in the papers. Like, if I were Bieber (and thank God I'm not, for a multitude of reasons) and I had pussy throwing itself at me like that, I'd take full advantage of it. I'm pretty sure there's a story somewhere about a rock star who took advantage of it so much to where his dick split in half or something else as painfully gross. I digress.

I'd be willing to bet that in the event JB takes a paternity test, this kid has enough money, lawyers and twitter followers for it to come up negative. He'll be dancing all over Maury like my man in the video. Probably with even better moves. This may even bolster his career a bit more if that's even possible. Hopefully he can drop this whole virgin, Tim Tebow-esque persona and turn into the woman-eater we all know he is. The only part I feel bad for this dude for is when the chick claimed he only lasted 30 seconds. That's a low blow if I've ever seen one. Shit's hard to control sometimes. Not that I know what that's like or anything-er...