29 September 2011

Sleep Good

When you come across the center of the ice with your head down, expect to snore. Brendan Smith is just doing what you're taught to do since you're 10 years old. Either let the man or the puck by you, but never both. I think the Blackhawks Ben Smith is most at fault here. Maybe you should worry less about curling and dragging around in a preseason game and more about the 200 pound brick shit house coming full steam, ready to separate your grill from your body. Brendan Smith is comparable to Ndamukong Suh in the sense that he's just bigger and better than you. You can't hold it against the guy. He's trying to solidify a starting spot, and he should go all out every opportunity he gets. Brendan Smith will be the face of this franchise some day, mark my words.

Til I Collapse

We ALL love the Red Sox legendary COLLAPSE! Just poetic justice that Carl Crawford blows the game late and then like 5 minutes later Evan Longoria walks it off to sneak Tampa Bay into the playoffs. I just love watching the most hated team in the league implode in the 9th with their ace at the helm. Even better is watching Papelbon wipe that fucking smug grin off his face when he throws meatballs in the most important game of the year.

Enough about you, how about US? The Tigers are set to face the Yankees in the ALDS. Bring it, you group of washed up bastards. I couldn't be more confident. Tigers are blazing into the postseason, while they're matching up with the Yanks who are limping in. Verlander and Fister on the bump slanging heat for games 1 and 2 will kick off our October run the right way. I say Tigers in 4. Eat 'Em Up boys!

25 September 2011

Butter Me Up, Baby!

If you're like me (and you should be) then you are just BASTING in the Lions' Butter right now! The Lions are 3-0 for the first time since 1980. 1980! Are you actually comprehending how long ago that was? I wasn't even a twinkle in Dub's eye back then. I mean sure, we've had winning seasons since then; scattered here and there, and only 1 playoff victory, but still winning seasons nonetheless. To really put it in perspective; last time the Lions were 3-0 to start the season gas was $1.25 a gallon, people we're dancing to the song "Funkytown" and the US Hockey team pulled off the "Miracle" upset of Russia.

(Seriously, how weird are 80's videos?)

For a while there, I thought it was the Lions of old during the first half. No points, stupid penalties and getting down right outplayed. But that second half was the Lions team I've been having wet dreams about for months! Stafford took it over throwing for over 250 yards and hooking up with Megatron on two scores to get us right back in it. Not to mention the bomb.com he lobbed up to CJ, who made a STUPID catch to get us well within FG range for Old Faithful Jason Hanson. I almost shit when I saw that. Hell, Stafford even took a few licks from Jared Allen thanks to Jeff Backus (worthy of an entirely separate blog post after such a hideous performance). But he got back up and lead the Honolulu Blue to a W. It wasn't the prettiest but I'll take it!

Bam! Mother Fuckers!

19 September 2011

Monday Night Facial

YouTube Video

If Michael Boley scooping this ball up and housing it wasn't enough, this poor chap in the windbreaker and backpack (owner of a field pass for God knows what reason) gets a face full of pigskin! This is the NFL son, keep your head on a swivel at all times! #thatsgonnaleaveamark

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Let's Get Ready to Mumble!

In case you missed it, here's the replay of the Mayweather cheap shot on Victor Ortiz this weekend. Talk about an early dose of head trauma-induced Parkinson's. Nothing like getting a swift one-two from possibly the most ferocious boxer of our time. How about the balls on this old ass man? May is right; HBO should fire him. Can't have a bonafide lunatic on the payroll. One of the most senile bastards in the world. Who in their right mind tells Floyd Mayweather Jr. that he wishes he was younger so he could kick his ass. Utter disrespect. If I was May, the old man would be shitting teeth through a colostomy bag while he's in a coma for the last few weeks of his life.

Cheap shot? Of course. At least this one went 4 rounds. If you bought the fight, you still got your money's worth. With past hyped fights that wasn't the case. Try explaining to a house full of blackout drunk frat boys that they still have to pay up even though Pacquio made Hatton projectile vomit his teeth into the front row 50 seconds into the fight, a few years ago. Not gonna happen.

It's only a matter of time now until Manny Pacquio man's up and agrees to the most anticipated fight in the last 20 years. Karma's a bitch, so Money May will need to keep that head on a swivel, but he's definitely gonna give Pacquio the most bang for his buck.

15 September 2011

Pants Off Dance Off

I'd say this should be a new weekly thing on the Coalition, but I don't think there's enough awesomeness on the internet that could support it. Let the dance off begin!


Now who's ready for the fucking weekend?!

13 September 2011

Maurice Jones-Drew Goes to Work!

Bitch I go to work...true winner....

12 September 2011

Best Weekend Ever?

The smell of fall in the air really does something to me, and I can't quite put my finger on it. Maybe because it means that all 4 major sports are either in full swing or just about to be. This weekend was a clear cut example of why Detroit is one of the best sports cities in the world. Now, being a fan of the state of Michigan, I get ecstatic when I see MSU football put on a clinic
against FAU, on top of the brilliance that was the first ever night game at The Big House. Game was down right riveting! So much so to the point where it caused a full on brawl at The Future between two die-hard Michigan fans. Haymakers and neck biting were shortly followed by projectile vomiting and apologies. Eerily reminiscent of the MSU/Notre Dame game of '06 at East Lansing where MdotNetz may or may not have broken my nose. I digress.

The Lions got a big fat W on the first game of the season; on the road of all places! Shit hasn't happened since the Bush administration! Stafford did manage to make me shart a bit when he limped off the field, but further diagnosis ruled it a cramp and he was back in action. Megatron and Staff Infection were hooking up for half-donzens just like I'd envisioned since Stafford was drafted. All the "processes"
were completed, and the Honolulu Blue Kool-Aid tasted Oh so good!

And not to mention the Tigers putting together a Re-Dickulous string of wins, that of which the club hasn't attained since, whens that? You guessed it! 1984. You know, the year on one of those isosceles triangle flags flying high above CoPa. (As we speak, the Tigs are on the verge of winning their 10th straight for the first time since when? 1968! At the expense of
a 14-2 BEATDown of the ChiSox).

And these guys aren't just #winning. They're
finding every which way possible to pull it off. Grand slams, onslaughts of runs, come-backs and walk-offs. Even the Motor City's favorite .198 hitter went yardsale to win one. That's right, the blindest of squirrels, Brandon Inge, is putting balls into play when it counts. Yeahh budddyy. You can find WildSteve in the cheap seats for game 1 of the ALDS. And you can probably find him again in the mezzanine bathroom walking in the out door and peeing in the sink. It just might be one of those kind of postseasons!

And all this happens to fall on the 10th anniversary of 9/11. A day unlike any other, where the feelings of unity and patriotism couldn't possibly be higher. Proud to be a Detroiter. Proud to be an American. Best. Weekend. Ever.

09 September 2011

Philly's bringin it this postseason..

This is just blog gold right here! Reminds me of the years we would hear the Red Wings Stanley Cup parodies like "without Stanley" and "I want Stanley." About time you get on our level Philly. Kudos.

07 September 2011

Madden '12 simulates kittehs in the Playoffs!

From Yahoo! Sports:

According to the simulations, the Packers will top the NFC with a 13-3 record, while the Steelers will boast the same win-loss ratio. The Philadelphia Eagles will be right on their heels, however, posting a 12-4 record and earning a first-round playoff bye thanks in part to Vick, who Madden sees throwing 29 touchdowns and passing for a career-high 4,000 yards. And that, the simulator says, will help him earn MVP honors.

The Steelers will face similar competition from the New England Patriots, who also will have a 12-4 season after a strong season from Tom Brady.

New Orleans and St. Louis will take the other NFC divisions, while the Atlanta Falcons will secure the fifth seed. And the Detroit Lions, who haven't played in the postseason in 12 years, will take the other wildcard, according to the game.

Full Story>>

If anyone knows anything about football, they know that the Madden game is the most acceptable substitute for actual NFL action. So we can't just take it with a grain of salt when the game simulated the Detroit Lions, yes our Detroit Lions, in the Playoffs! Playoffs?! You wanna talk about Playoffs?! Yes. I want to talk about playoffs. Lions season is just around the corner and I got them at 10-6. Could very well be enough to edge that last Wild Card spot in the NFC. So pour me a long tall glass of blue kool-aid spiked with the cheapest vodka you can find that isn't Mohawk. Serve me up a slice of that corn bread with some extra butter, and lets watch our boys in blue change this towns perception on football!

Editor's Note:

In no way, shape or form am I a supporter of Frank Caliendo. This guy is just a hair above Carlos Mencia and George Lopez on my hierarchy of people I think are funny. Dude hit the jackpot when FOX gave him a deal to work the pregame shows with Terry and company. I give zero fucks about who his picks are each week, but I gotta admit the man does a pretty spot-on John Madden impression.

06 September 2011

6 Months Later: Miggy's DUI is Still Funny

While watching Cabrera and company put another hurting on a division opponent tonight, I suddenly remembered we discovered this little gem in yesterday's game. Guess all that day drinking in Royal Oak really clouded my vision and I lost sight of what was important. Never again.

On a more related note; I'd love to get hammered with Cabrera and a translator downtown one night.

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Best Jersey Shore Commercial: "Hoooookuuuuuuppp!" VS "Keepin it Real!"

This season of Jersey Shore is really pushing all the right buttons for me. I don't really know what it is about the air in Italy, but I like it. The fights alone this year have been off the chain. Well, I guess there was only one so far, unless you count the high pitched "wasupp babay" Pauly screamed into the ear of that Euro punk. But what the season has in store is second to none when it comes to the altercations. Hospital trips, bottle throwing, catfights. Yowza! And the commercials speak for themselves. Which got me wondering; which Jersey Shore sellout ad campaign is the best? Stacker 2 or Xenadrine??


04 September 2011

DTowbBroCo Proudly Rolls Out Series Posting

DTownBroco is excited to introduce series posting.  This is mine.  Every writer is going to creatively pump out their own series.  Consistency is cool.   So were going to give it to you.  

Check back and once or twice (if I feel saucy) a week and you will see a new "I'd Love To Know How To" edition.  Some long, some short, but all delicious.

This is going to end up being a full blown longer post but seeing as how I'm excited about the new direction the blog has decided to go in...the beta version of this post is going to release.  RTM will follow shortly.

I'd Love To Know How To: Become A Professional Fantasy Guru

Let's imagine it's mid October.  (Men will understand why this is relevant in a second)

Fantasy football guru.

Whats the first thing that popped in your head?  The answer really depends on who you are.  Lets do another question.  If you were just hangin at a party or any type of open world social gathering...one in which it would not be uncommon to chat with and meet a stranger...

Which one of these guys would you want to have a meet and chat with?

(Keep in mind the men on the outsides are movie producers and full blown celebrities.)

This answers does depend on who you are too...but not really.  If you are a dude, and you live in America, our mystery man in the middle had you at hello.

01 September 2011

Ode to The Handicapped Stall

Every time I walk into the bathroom at work and see that the handicapped stall is open, it's like I hit the lottery. Well not really, except for the feeling I'm about to shit my pants. But still a nice little treat when you're looking to burn the clock on a slow day. So much freedom! The extra four feet of space between you and the person next to you makes a world of difference. You don't feel like you're shitting as a team, and you don't see the person's face next to you when you look down and see their work ID badge is hanging on their belt loop. Looking right back at you with that smugly grin. Nope none of that. Hearing their asshole get raped from the Thai food the night before doesn't bother you as much as it would if there were only an inch of plastic stopping you from rubbing knees together. The handicapped stall shit takes at least 20 minutes, letting you clear you mind and relax. No worries other than when you hear the bathroom door open, and anticipate the 1 in 1000 chance that you see a set of wheels rolling up to your occupied stall, and an angry paraplegic pounds on the door saying "What the fuck, asshole?!"

Mark my words, when the day comes where The Coalition has its own office it will be chuck full of handicapped stalls. Mass producing quality blogs and landing premium pro bono work for developing branded entertainment, all from the comfort of our 8'x8' granite handicapped cubes of bliss.

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