30 August 2011

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Im Havin A Bad Bad Day




28 August 2011

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Revenge?



In 2007, Appalachian State was supposed to be a cupcake opponent. They weren't. So what would a rematch bring? Revenge?
The Michigan football team announced on Thursday that the Wolverines will open the 2014 season with a rematch against the Division 1-AA powerhouse. Yes, against the same school that upset Lloyd Carr's Michigan team, 34-32, and sent shock waves through Ann Arbor and the college football world.
That loss, the first in Carr's final season as coach, ended with Appalachian State blocking a Wolverine field goal attempt. One could argue that it was the first in a long line of embarrassments and disappointment that has hung over the team since Carr's final season and Rich Rodriguez's tumultuous three-year stint as coach.
Full Story
I wouldn't call this "revenge". It's more like if a girl broke your heart and then you spend the next 7 years lifting and banging out "practice girls" until she calls you all hammered one night. Finally the chance to redeem yourself. You get that revenge sex out of your system and wonder, did it really make you feel better about yourself? Probably not.
In reality, this revenge doesn't change the fact that your squad had the most embarrassing loss in NCAA football history, in your own barn, with Lloyd at the helm. It's like the kid that was super popular in elementary school. He Got all the girls, was cool with all the teachers, and parents wanted you to be more like him. What a smug, kiss-ass fuck. Until one year he throws up on everyone on stage during the school Christmas play, and pisses himself in embarrassment. You'll inevitably run into this kid at some point in your life and even though now he is very successful, and has the world by the balls, you'll still see him as Pisspants McVomit. Just wallowing around in his own bodily fluids and secretions. Nothing will ever change that. And you know that somehow that turn of events has made the universe right again.

25 August 2011

40
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Play On Words : Golf Edition



Photo Courtesy of Yahoo! Sports
Full story
Bobby Jones once said that, "golf is a game that is played on a five-inch course - the distance between your ears," and while that is very true, it's another area of the body that landed an entire Lutheran college golf team in serious trouble.
The Bethany College men's golf team took a page out of Golf Digest's spread of the 2004 UCLA team and posed in the buff for an unofficial team photo (above), with just golf clubs covering their man parts, and it didn't sit well with the team's coach, who also happens to be the religious school's athletic director.
Jon Daniels suspended every player on the Fighting Swedes for three tournaments because of the photo he called, "a case of young people who just don't think beyond the moment and don't realize who they're hurting."
[. . . ] And how did the photo get leaked in the first place? Facebook, of all places, by one of the players in the picture.
Team captain Jack Hiscock told KAKE news that the team is appealing the suspension, and mentioned that the photos were just meant to be fun.
"It was only intended as a bit of fun with the lads," said Hiscock who is from England. "We all have our shirts off, our shorts to ankles and we are holding golf clubs in front covering up our um, male parts."

Team captain, Jack Hiscock? Is this real life? Even Mike Hunt, Dick Trickle, and Dick Butkus think that's embarrassing. Nothing like leaking homoerotic pics of you and the bros at golf/church camp to reveal to the world your unfortunate circumstance in the name department. Those parents must have some sense of humor. I wouldn't name my son Jack for the simple fact that someone could call him Jack off, and my last name isn't even Hiscock. Only worse possible name choice would be if this dude was Asian and his parents named him Suk.

24 August 2011

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Effin Inge!




Do I really have to go over what just happened in tonight's game? Fuck! Okay, well if you haven't heard; Brandon Inge blew it. Just like Marino did. Final out in extra innings and Inge gets a routine grounder and throws it to....Second?!? Santiago had no idea this bitch was coming and he couldn't get to the bag on time. 99 times out of 100 that's a routine play at first. Ask any little league coach. Jahonny Peralta couldn't believe his beady little eyes. If there's two things I've taken away from life and can pass on to my grown up sperm it's Laces Out, and Make the easy play at first! This Brandon Inge show has to stop. I mean why does Leyland insist on putting this dude in for defensive purposes when he does shit like that then says he wasn't wrong after the fact. News flash hombre, it was wrong cuz you lost the game! It's time to let Betemit be the everyday third baseman, and package Inge and Rayburn in a trade for a bag of bats. Dude's lucky this wasn't the playoffs otherwise Santiago woulda gone Ray Finkle on his ass!




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Top 5 Fantasy WRs 2011: Gates of Hell





1. Antonio Gates

2. Dallas Clark

3. Jason Witten

4. Jermichael Finley

5. Vernon Davis

23 August 2011

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How to Dominate Your Fantasy Football League



This Was My Team in 2010.  Only Philip Rivers and Andre Johnson Were Drafted.
by Jacob Allen
Most people will tell you that the easiest most secure path to a fantasy football championship is preparing for, and executing the perfect draft. While there are many elements of truth to that theory, by no means is it the only way.

I personally don’t put all that much stock in the draft. I like to draft good players as much as the guy next to me and I’ve seen teams draft well…and win with the team they drafted, but each fantasy season is long. Things happen. If you play right…the championship is rarely won on draft day. It’s won with the little things in between.

Drafting players is only 1 of 3 ways to acquire talent. Free agency is the 2nd…and trading, my personal favorite is the 3rd. So before you go and label your season a boom or a bust when the last player of the last round gets picked…understand that that if you have a bad draft you can make up for it with relative ease two other ways.

The strategy for grabbing free agent is easy. Pay attention on Sunday. Throw out the notion that your waiver priority matters. It doesn’t. Usually in a rolling waiver format the reason why a certain team is #1 is because they have been paying the least amount attention. They won’t pay a lick of mind to next Sunday’s matchup until Saturday. That’s lucky for us because payday comes on Wednesday when players clear waivers in standard 2 day waiver rules.


Obviously your first 7 picks in the draft needs to fill out your starting roster (less the kicker).

QB RB RB WR WR WR/RB/T TE DEF

What's next is what separates the men from the boys.

 My strategy is this:

Get Free Agents early and get them often.

Bye weeks don’t start until week 7, usually, so outside of a silly injury you are not going to need anybody on your bench until then anyways. I cant stress this enough. Shuffle! Shuffle! Shuffle! Don’t worry about picking up guys based on positional needs or balanced depth. Just grab guys that have the big weeks. Big week 1 games tell a lot.

When a white boy you’ve never heard of playing for fantasy black hole Cleveland named Peyton Hillis carries the rock 20 times and scores…well, you grab him every single time. If nothing else, just make him yours and see what he’s got next week. If he doesn’t bring it the following week…give him 1 more. He fails week 3…pink slip. But now we are only in week 4. We still have 3 weeks until the byes. The risk you take is almost nonexistent, but the reward is the 3rd best back in the league.

Do this with every single bench spot. Once you’re done drafting your starters start drafting players who are either the #1 at that position on their team (like Fred Jackson) or fills another team’s void. Do not be tricked into thinking the bench players you drafted will ever see the field. They won’t. If you do what I’m telling you to do, they will be LONG gone by the time you need to plug them in for a spot start.

The truth is that the picks that come after these first 7 really don’t matter. According to me they are going to be shuffled up first week anyways. Handcuffing is fine. Honestly I can’t really provide too much evidence against handcuffing your running backs, but what I noticed when I handicapped my backs was that that:

a.) You just wasted a pick on a guy you know does not have a shot at playing time unless somebody gets hurt. That’s not good. Plus even if he does assume all the carries at some point, he was not good enough to get them when there was a player in his way at the start of the season.

b.) These handcuffs are almost always not drafted and available at any time during the early to middle part of the season.

c.) I found myself drafting them, only to immediately lose patience when I realized I had a bench spot that served no purpose (outside of protection) and I could not do a single thing with besides wait. Nobody is interested in your handcuff backs so don't draft them. Trust me.


Jamaal Charles owners… Thomas Jones is not getting drafted. Neither is Michael Bush sitting behind DMF or Jason Snelling behind Turner. Etc.

The beginning of the season is when the breakout players are going to float to the surface. Especially in a shallow league, but it is more important to pay attention to them in a deeper league like the one we are about to have, 14 teamer where the talent is few and far between.

Here is a list of some of the players that have been available on the wire in fantasy football 2009 and 2010
  1. Jamaal Charles
  2. Miles Austin
  3. Mike Vick
  4. Peyton Hillis
  5. Jacob Tamme
  6. Ahmad Bradshaw
  7. Legarrette Blount
  8. Benjarvis Green-Ellis
  9. Mike Tolbert
  10. Stevie Johnson
  11. Brandon Lloyd
  12. Josh Freeman
Look for those guys. Take multiple chances weekly in an effort to find those guys and when you find one. Keep him and don’t hesitate….if he is better than your starter at that position start him. Early emotional decisions will bury you. If he’s better than your first round pick….start him. Until you find guys that you can see being on your team start to finish and through the playoffs….your bench is no more than a stack of poker chips. Risk chips in order to build your stack.

This brings us to the second way you can make up for a bad draft. Trading. For some strange reason people don’t consider trading a legitimate way to shape a fantasy roster. Not me, I love trading. Other people love trading too. There is an art to it, but before you can even think about your negotiations you have to know what guys are going to be willing to trade with you. My strategy is to make at least 1 deal with every team in my league. Some favor me, some favor them…but it will always favor you in the long run. Either you came out on top in a deal, or somebody owes you. I stress….it is VERY important for you to make one sided moves that help the person you are trading with more than it helps you. It builds good relationships. A few years back I tried to make moves that would swindle people, but that just did not work. Sure, I was able to make a few…but people notice. Help other managers. They will help you back.

Always make sure you find a reason on your end and their end to make the trade. Trying to force somebody to make a trade is bad form, and plain old won’t work. A lot of times a manager doesn't know they have a weak spot and it’s OK for you to let them know they do….just don’t make it seem like they have to fix the leak and they have to fix it right now with you. It’s their team and they can do whatever they want.

Here’s how I have been successful. I spend more time studying other peoples rosters than I do studying mine.  I know my guys…and anyways they are going to do what they are going to do. At any given moment I know every player on every teams roster…and I probably have a good read on how they are playing, should be playing, and if they need to be upgraded or not. This enables you to make a snap move at any time. You've already done the research.

What I try to do is all season long trade for players who were ranked top 20 overall players pre-draft. Trade anything to get these guys. My strategy is simple. Give up anything to get these guys. Trade 1 for 1, or 2 for 1, or even 3 for 1 to get them. No matter what you think…it’s an upgrade. That’s why they are ranked there. Target the guys who are ranked real, real, high. Don’t be afraid to go after them either, because they are available no matter what anybody says. Just proposing trades in the fantasy league are the worst way to make a trade. You have a 1 in 20 chance of it getting accepted. When you spot a trade that you know works for both sides

here’s what you do:


Tune in to part 2 to find out more



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Top 10 Fantasy RB's 2011: Run DMC Run





Darren McFadden ranked #11 in yahoo!?  Nigga PUH-lease.  Only a king could keep my albino rhino buried in Arkansas' depth chart.

Here's how I see the backs shaping out:

1. Arian Foster - Just the man with the 30 carries...every...single....game

2. Adrian Peterson - cant stop wont stop.  safe first pick.  least riskiest pick outside of Aaron Rodgers.

3. Jamaal Charles - A freak who averages the most yards per carry in the league. Thomas Jones?  I bareley even know who that is anymore.

4. Chris Johnson - Contract, No Contract, who cares.  Hes a 2000 yard single season rusher not to mention he is the fastest player in the NFL.  Get him and dont look back.

5. Mike Turner - Energizer bunny.  Keeps going and going and going.

6. Darren McFadden - See above

7. Ray Rice - Now sharing carries with Ricky = risky

8. LeSaun McCoy - Feature back on this Vick led offense?  Yes please.

9. Peyton Hillis - What more can be said.  Hes a god.

10. Frank Gore -You time is now Frank.  Seize it .



Say something.  Comment something.  I know I'm write and if you dont think so then you are wrong.

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Crap Circles




Anybody seen the movie "Signs?" The one by the crazy bastard. You know, Mel Gibson. Yes, when he wasn't verbally destroying his wife and family members, he was making movies. To make a long story short, his two dumbass kids make hats out of aluminum foil to "protect" their thoughts, aliens show up to take over the world, and a retired minor league baseball player stops it from happening by hitting an alien with a bat. Anyways, throughout the film there are mysterious crop circles that appear in a farmer's field.

Well, I've got something that trumps this modern day classic horror film, but it's produced by someone with much higher morals and sense of respect than Mel Gibson-my dog. Bowser, by name, is a complete ladies man. If a woman walks in the door, he's all over them like my pedophile roommate that works at Abercrombie Kids is on a middle school girl. But, like any member of my family, Bowser has his issues with bowel movements; sometimes he can't hold them.

Just recently, he created the most amazing bowel movement I've ever seen. I call it-"Crap Circles."


22 August 2011

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"Ohhhhh Jackson!!"-Weekend Recap





Between witnessing a Tigs' victory at CoPa for the first time this year, watching Scotty fail the first "Prove it" challenge, day drinking and moving it like Bernie; I'd say this weekend was just what the doctor ordered for Papa WildSteve.

 And how bout them Tigers right? The biggest series of the season thus far and the Tigers sweep in dramatic fashion. Oh, and not to mention the much-anticipated return of everyone's favorite buck-seventy-five hitter: Brandon Inge.

Now, I get it. Inge has been a Tiger since we tied the record for being the worst team in baseball history, and I admire his loyalty to the franchise. But the dude's got a cult following of bros that come straight out of the woodwork when he hits his 2nd homer of the year. Like people I thought I de-friended on the book years ago post their first status this fiscal quarter suggesting that Inge haters filashe them...but I can assure these clowns that even a blind squirrel finds a nut. I digress.

The big story of the weekend is not the HJ Richie Rich got in a parking lot, but the STUPID play Austin Jackson made to save the game, and the sweep of the Tribe on Sunday. More specifically, the AWESOME call on it by our very own, one Rod Allen:



"OHHHH JACKSON!!" would be worth about 20 drinks if we were playing the Rod Allen drinking game! Speaking of which; I propose a September 10th Rod Allen Drinking Game Party/Live Blog at The Future. All I wanna know is...who's comin with me??

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Here's To Forgetting About The Past: Round 4



Earning the wings.

Year after year after year.


21 August 2011

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Enough is Enough "In-the-Out-Door Guy"



When I'm at the ol' ball park and I have had about 150 ounces of adult beverages, I could pee my pants at any given moment. Holding your piss during the late innings of a close game is the most painful, frustrating feeling ever. The only other event /venue that it's nearly this bad is a concert at DTE. Most times at DTE I can at least sneak a piss into my empty beer cup while I'm still enjoying the tunes on the lawn. Not so simple at Comerica Park. The pissing situation on the main concourse is atrocious. Despite the 10 bathrooms meant to accommodate the 20,000 fans in the lower level, I know standing in line is a part of the not-pissing-my-pants game. I get to the back of the line after an unsuccessful attempt at a chat and cut. I stare at the exit just contemplating my go-to move at Joe Louis. If I don't go in-the-out-door, I will piss myself. 7 beers in 2 hours is a great idea until you're standing in line to piss. CoPa is filled with kids that could piss themselves at any given second, so I punish myself by waiting. Going in-the-out door at JLA is acceptable because you're forced to piss in the trough. It's not 100 people fighting over 14 pissers.
As soon as I'm on deck, a stream of middle aged assholes flood in the exit. Aw naw, hell naw. I cut one of them off on his way to the urinal. It gets the attention of all the in-the-out door guys. I go off on a Labatt's fueled diatribe about how in-the-out door is unacceptable at CoPa. These are probably the same guys that catch a foul ball and don't give it to the nearest child. My friends grab the open piss spots as I fuck these guys up with some truth. As I leave the restroom, the group of guys are huddled around the same exit they used to enter. They complain to their wives about getting bitched out. The wives point out that the door clearly says "Exit" and that if they tried this horse shit in the ladies room, they would leave cat-scratched up with a full bladder.
Moral of the story: In-the-out door at Joe Louis, acceptable; at Comerica Park, unacceptable.

20 August 2011

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Eat Your Heart Out William Hung...





VS.



Yikes....

18 August 2011

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Hoyas Start WWIII




From Yahoo Sports:

Georgetown had to leave the court during the fourth quarter of its exhibition game against the Baiyi Rockets on Thursday night in Beijing after both benches emptied and a wild brawl erupted between the two teams. None of the Hoyas were seriously injured despite trading punches with the opposing players and having to dodge chairs thrown onto the court and water bottles hurled from the stands.
The best account of what led to the melee comes from the Washington Post's Gene Wang, apparently the lone U.S. reporter in attendance.
Wang wrote that the game was tense from the outset and had to be stopped earlier after two players exchanged words. At one point, a Rockets player even berated John Thompson III as the Georgetown coach yelled instructions to his players.
The hard fouls and constant bickering eventually devolved into bedlam when Bayi big man Hu Ke was called for a foul against Georgetown guard Jason Clark. The senior made it clear he did not appreciate the hard foul, sparking the initial exchange of shoves that led players from both benches to run onto the court in defense of their teammates.


This is how it allll starts. All it takes is that first incident to start an international conflict between the worlds two biggest superpowers. China already owns all our money, and they might take this shit personal. Especially with VP Biden being in town, shit could look premeditated. Shit looked pretty intense, like Hoyas got handled for the most part...


And what an image; this trainer just stomping out a black dude twice his size! Just goes to show ya; in a world of haymakers, your best first move is the unexpected ones...




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Spartan Football: An Update from Training Camp/Practice



With the season approaching quickly for the MSU Spartan football team, much of the hopes and aspiration from Spartan faithful are resting on the off-season preparation and what is happening currently in pre-season practices. As a die-hard State fan myself, I have read much literature on the team and individual players and the progress they are making in getting themselves ready for the start of the 2011 season. These are the updates that I have gathered thus far:

Offensive Line: With 3 different spots opened up in the O-line, you have to expect an immense amount of competition for those open spots...and that is exactly what is going on. However, recently there has been some separation between guys competing to work side by side with anchor Joel Foreman on the line. Junior right guard Chris McDonald has been one of those players particularly standing out in this pre-season. Offensive coordinator Dan Roushar stated in reference to McDonald's play, "He's playing as well as we've seen him play". In addition, defensive lineman Dan France has converted to offensive line during this off-season and is starting to rise above the competition for starting left tackle. Redshirt freshman Travis Jackson is expected to earn the starting spot at center.

Wide receivers/tight ends: With B.J. Cunningham, Keshawn Martin, and Keith Nichol all returning at the receiver slots, it's going to make the Spartan air-attack a force to be reckoned with. Not to mention, the weapons available at tight end. Offensive coordinator Dan Roushar stated the competition at the tight end position is a "good problem" and that "We have three starters at that position right now, in Celek, Linthicum, and Dion".

Linebackers: An overall younger defense in comparison to the 2010 Spartan team, the linebackers follow similar suit. Replacing a tandem such as Greg Jones/Eric Gordon along with Eric Misch is huge assignment; however, there is a lot of potential when looking at this position battle. Sophomore Max Bullough is projected to start along with junior Chris Norman; however, Norman has been held out of practice due to an undisclosed upper body injury. Those also in the mix for starting positions are Steve Gardiner, TyQuan Hammock, and Denicos Allen. True freshman linebacker Taiwan Jones has also been making noise in pre-season camp and could see some time this season.

Running backs: Edwin Baker, LeVeon Bell, Larry Caper--what more needs to be said.

Secondary: Experienced, healthy, athleticism, and depth are the top factors working for the Spartans when looking at the secondary. Johnny Adams, Trenton Robinson, Darqueze Dennard, and Isaiah Lewis are all expected to see a significant amount of time on the field and lead the Spartan defense to match or better its 17 interceptions from last season. Redshirt freshman cornerback/wide receiver Tony Lippett is feeling more comfortable and also building his resume for a starting position on the defensive side of the ball. Lippett recently picked off a pass from Maxwell and practice and returned it for a pick-six. According to coaches, Lippett could be the next star in the making for the Spartan football team and could make a difference both on the defense and offensive side of the ball this season.

Offensive coordinator Dan Roushar: Don Treadwell moved on to a head coaching position at Miami and Dan Roushar is taking reigns as the new offensive coordinator. Not much will change offensively, MSU will still be MSU. Roushar stated that he wants the Spartans to be a "quarterback friendly" offense. "What we want to do is get a high completion percentage. Move the football on early downs and keep the chains short", Roushar stated.

For those Spartan faithful, we have much potential for another amazing season. Progress is being made in the off-season and we find ourselves only 15 days until opening night. Go Green!





17 August 2011

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Suh Rapes Dalton. Fined 20 Large




From Yahoo! Sports
ALLEN PARK, Mich. (AP)—Ndamukong Suh(notes) has been fined a third time for roughing up three different quarterbacks in less than a year.
The Detroit Lions defensive tackle doesn’t plan to change his game.
“Not by any means,” he said Wednesday after he was fined $20,000 by the NFL for a hit on Cincinnati quarterback Andy Dalton(notes) last week. He didn’t like it much, tweeting: “$20,000REALLY???!!!”
The former Nebraska star said he plans to appeal the fine.


This is like the time we beat my buddy's little brother up one summer and we couldn't use their pool for a week. It really wasn't that bad, but it kinda sucked at first. Not long after; we beat the kid up again. Why? Because it was fun and we were good at it! Same sitch here. Suh is gonna rape QB's all year and there's really not much that can be done about it. We know how much cake this guy brings home. 20 G's aint shit to him, right Randy?
Next time he should shake his dick though. Really make a statement!


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6 to Midnight: Danica Who?




From Yahoo! Sports:

Canadian driver Maryeve Dufault will make her NASCAR debut on Saturday in the Nationwide Series Napa Auto Parts 200 at the Circuit Gilles Villeneuve.
Dufault, who started racing in the ARCA Series this year, was a model on the Price is Right and according to IMDB, was a player for the New York Euphoria in the 2005 Lingerie Bowl.
Dufualt has said that she used the money she earned from modeling to pay for tires and equipment so that she could go race.
Dufault, 29, has made 12 starts in ARCA in 2011 with one top 10, a 10th place finish at Chicagoland Speedway. She'll be driving the No. 81 for MacDonald Motorsports and is one of four Canadian drivers entered in Saturday's race in the series that is most commonly referred to as the AAA to the Sprint Cup's Major League.
She will also become the first Canadian woman in NASCAR when the green flag drops on Saturday. Jacques Villenueve (the son of Gilles Villeneuve), Alex Tagliani andPatrick Carpentier are the other three Canadians entered in the event. It will be Carpentier's final race before he retires.
Plus, it will be Dufault's chance to race against Danica Patrick for the first time.

Is this real life? Not only is another chick breaking on to the NASCAR scene, but she's a smokeshow for sure. Now, I thought Danica had it goin on, but after seein this broad its like Danica Who? (Hence the title). Bottom line is if this is what NASCAR has to do to get more people to give greater than or equal to one cumulative fuck about the sport, then by all means keep it comin! Hell if you get a Danica-Maryeve scuffle in pit row after the race, its over! I'd be down for the count from all the excitement. I propose a KY Wrestling match to determine who drives the GoDaddy.com car every week. Shit, there's your Superbowl spot right there! Mighta just paid my student loans off in one blog...















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It's All About "The U"



KEARNY, N.J. – A University of Miami booster, incarcerated for his role in a $930 million Ponzi scheme, has told Yahoo! Sports he provided thousands of impermissible benefits to at least 72 athletes from 2002 through 2010.

In 100 hours of jailhouse interviews during Yahoo! Sports’ 11-month investigation, Hurricanes booster Nevin Shapiro described a sustained, eight-year run of rampant NCAA rule-breaking, some of it with the knowledge or direct participation of at least seven coaches from the Miami football and basketball programs. At a cost that Shapiro estimates in the millions of dollars, he said his benefits to athletes included but were not limited to cash, prostitutes, entertainment in his multimillion-dollar homes and yacht, paid trips to high-end restaurants and nightclubs, jewelry, bounties for on-field play (including bounties for injuring opposing players), travel and, on one occasion, an abortion.

Full Story

Well this brings a whole new meaning to the "7th floor crew" song. Back in college I just thought that it was football players bragging about banging out girls in the dorms. Come to find out they're having coke fueled sex parties on a yacht. What up, Buckeyes? Sexy yacht parties > tats and cars 100 times out of 100.


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Top 5 Fantasy Quarterbacks in 2011-2012



With NFL regular season approaching quickly and fantasy fanatics beginning to prepare for the infamous draft day, I begin to think about what quarterback I would take first. Here's my predicted top 5 QB's for the upcoming season in terms of fantasy numbers:

1. Michael Vick (Philadelphia Eagles): Could be your best fantasy draft or could be your worst fantasy option. Placing him at #1 on my list of top QB's is making the assumption that he will remain healthy all season; however, this is highly unlikely in my opinion. With a Denard Robinson-like style, Vick's numbers could lead you to the championship game or could leave you in a serious bind to find another QB...least he knows how to tie his shoes.

Top Targets: DeShaun Jackson, Jason Avant, Steve Smith, *Jeremy Maclin*, Brent Celek
*health issues might keep him from being a target this season*

2. Aaron Rodgers (Green Bay Packers): Coming off such a successful previous season, we'll just hope Rodgers doesn't have a Superbowl hangover this season. I can't imagine that happening as he is one of the more consistent performers at the QB position.

Top Targets: Greg Jennings, Jordy Nelson, Donald Driver, James Jones, Jermichael Finley

3. Tom Brady (New England Patriots): With the new addition of Pro-bowl receiver Chad Ocho Cinco, Brady should put up some impressive numbers again this year. He has a number of solid receivers and 2 young tight ends that have already solidified themselves as reputable targets. After throwing for 36 TD's and only 4 int's last season, expect Brady to put up very similar numbers this coming season.

Top Targets: Wes Welker, Deion Branch, Chad Ocho Cinco, Brandon Tate, Rob Gronkowski, Aaron Hernandez

4. Drew Brees (New Orleans Saints): Looking to make it further into the play-off's this season, Brees should lead a powerful Saints offense to put up solid fantasy numbers. He did lose a play-making back in Reggie Bush; however, he has a number of other weapons around him that make his job at QB much easier.

Top Targets: Marques Colston, Devery Henderson, Lance Moore, Robert Meachem, Jimmy Graham

5. Matt Ryan (Atlanta Falcons): Ryan could put up some impressive fantasy numbers this year with his returning cast of receivers and new addition in Julio Jones. He threw for 28 TD's last season and should increase that stat into the mid to high 30's.

Top Targets: Roddy White, Eric Weems, Julio Jones, Tony Gonzalez

16 August 2011

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The New Planking?



Over the weekend, I went camping with MCast2014 and his fiance, which happens to be Snake's sister. This "quiet camping trip" quickly turned into a man weekend. Accompanied by Snake's parents, the five of us set up shop just north of Muskegon. The weekend was filled with the typical necessities of a camping trip: bonfires, beer, cigars, and farting. And it quite possibly discovered the new version of "planking."

Last semester, in a physiology lab course, my brother uncovered a bittersweet fact; his metabolism is 55% faster than an average metabolism. The best part of that is metabolic rates are genetic, meaning mine is very similar. To most people, this could prove fatal. I can just imagine the businessman sitting in the middle of an important meeting, shitting his pants while regretting having lunch at Taco Bell. For my brother an I, it's a gift from God. We are told to exploit our strengths; I think we do a great job of doing that.

Sitting around the fire, I couldn't help but think of the scene from Nutty Professor when all the fatasses are blowing holes in their underwear. And the part when the grandma says, "Don't let the gray hair fool ya, I ain't no easy win nigga." But that's besides the point. We formed our own rendition of this scene with a multitude of farts-some loud and rumbly, some high pitched, some silent, and some petite (for the ladies of course).

To end the weekend the right way, Snake's sister and I made a friendly trade, which left me with the overwhelmingly awesome opportunity to lay a fat fart right in her face. Ironically, we had tacos for dinner that night. About fifteen minutes after dinner, I stood up and let the group know that this was it; the moment was here. I'll let you watch the rest for yourself...


Beans, beans, the magical fruit, the more you eat, the more you...lay beef stew on your soon-to-be-sister-in-law's forehead.

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Top 10 Fantasy WRs 2011: Desean Jackson Is Super Duper Fly



You want to tell me this guy is not one of the top 5 fantasy wideouts?  Dude just goes yack after yack after yack.  Secrets out on this weapon.

Chris Carter thinks so and I think so.  Send it in.

"Carter listed his top six receivers as Andre Johnson, Larry Fitzgerald, Greg Jennings (Western Michigan), Reggie Wayne, DeSean Jackson and Roddy White."



Here's my top 10 WRs for 2011:

1. Calvin Johnson - Straight up MAN haulin in Matty's lasers for YOUR Detroit Lions.

2. Larry Fitzgerald - Welcome back.

3. Andre Johnson - Ankle injury is in the past.

4. Roddy White - Offense in ATL is going to put up PlayStation points.

5. DeSean Jackson - See above.  Hands down the most electric baller on the planet.

6. Greg Jennings - Like ATL Green Bay offense unstoppable.

7. Hakeem Nicks - Only gets better now that Steve Smith has a new home in Philly.

8. Reggie Wayne - Not what he was 3 years ago but still a man you want in your corner.

9. Vince Jackson - At 6'5" with legs fresh as Downey...Jackson is primed to start rollin up cats.

10. Brandon Marshall - A top level talent who will benefit from another year in South Beach.

Just missed:

Dez Bryant, Miles Austin, Mike Wallace, Jeremy Maclin, Wes Welker, Stevie Johnson, Kenny Britt, Santonio Holmes

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#myalbinorhino: Hillis Detractors About To Get Flexed




- Yahoo Sports
Over the past 12 months, Peyton Hillis'(notes) improbable ascension from sporadically used fullback to full-blown fantasy superstar to Madden '12 cover-athlete was nothing short of spectacular.
Last year, the Brown's rolling stone was indispensable in any sized leagues, particularly those that scored for receptions. He racked yards via ground and air (seven 100-total yard games) leaving a host of flattened defenders in his wake. Watch highlights of his breakout campaign, and his body count rivaled that of all four Rambo films combined. Though Hillis lost steam down the stretch — his yards per carry average dropped from 4.8 to 3.9 over the second half of the season — he along with fellow unexpected heroesArian Foster(notes), Michael Vick(notes) and Brandon Lloyd(notes), were the fantasy faces of 2010.
Entering peak drafting season, one would think the fantasy community would be head-over-heels for Hillis. After all, he's a brutish, violent runner in the midst of his prime who barrels through holes created by one of the stiffest offensive lines in the league. Spend an early draft pick on his services and you won't be disappointed.
However, the opposite appears to be true.




Because of Pat Shurmur's newly installed West Coast brand, a scheme that plans to feature two-back sets, and Hillis' downward slide during the fantasy playoffs, expectations have cooled. As a result, many assume the Clydesdale won't match his exhaustive workload (20.7 touches/game), and thus his fantasy output, from a season ago. Unsurprisingly, he's become a staple on a number of preseason "bust" lists.
Don't be swayed by the Hillis haters.
Here are four reasons why the most-dissed star (23.2 ADP, RB14) from '10 will retain his RB1 standing:

Versatility. The common belief is, if healthy, Monatrio Hardesty and third-down specialistBrandon Jackson(notes) will log a few touches per game, slicing Hillis' touch total from last year by a sizable margin. However, as the Beacon Journal reported over the weekend, the incumbent's role within the passing game is actually expected to increase. Yes, the others will be involved to some extent, possibly netting 8-12 touches combined per game, but Shurmur realizes Hillis is a force on swings and dump-offs. Music to PPR owner ears, another 55-plus catch campaign is a near lock. The odds he surpasses 1,400 total yards are also favorable
Red-zone power. While Hardesty was slowly recovering from reconstructive knee surgery during the lockout, Hillis pulled ATVs, pick-ups and even fire trucks near his Arkansas home to stay in shape. He's a monster of almost mythical proportions. Last year, he ranked ninth among RBs in break tackles according to Football Outsiders. Because of his Thing-like strength, he, without question, will resume his role as goal-line back. Since touchdowns separate the haves from the have nots in fantasy, it's asinine to think his value will suddenly fall off the continental shelf. Even if his touch total is reduced by 30-40, he will post low-end RB1 numbers. Much to Andy Behrens' chagrin, plenty of "gun shows" are on the docket in Cleveland this season.
Matchup proof. For those that buy into preseason strength of schedule, Hillis' slate is unmistakably daunting. With division foes Pittsburgh and Baltimore on the agenda twice, it's the fourth-toughest. But due to the violent nature of the game, turnover is constant in the NFL. No two years are the same. Even if the Steelers and Ravens' reputations as premier run stuffers are upheld, Hillis is still capable of quality numbers. Prior to Week 12, only the Steely McBeams limited him to a single-digit scoring output. And he faced the likes of Atlanta, Baltimore, Cincinnati and the Jets, defenses that finished in the top-11 in fewest fantasy points allowed to RBs.
Fragile backups. Hardesty, coming off reconstructive knee surgery, has yet to step on the practice field,though he's confident he'll return soon. In his absence, Jackson has worked exclusively as the No. 2, getting invaluable reps in the new system. Even when the second-year back finally suits up, there are no guarantees he will A) Avoid the IR or B) Overtake Jackson. If either happens, Hillis won't lose enough touches to warrant a significant price reduction. Based on his uneventful performance as a temporary starter in Green Bay last year, Jackson poses little threat. Even if Hardesty plays an entire season unscathed, it's very unlikely he will force a 60-40 timeshare.
Bottom line: While skeptics continue to point to Hillis' presumed workload decrease, rough schedule and ridiculous 'curse' as reasons for avoidance, savvy fantasy consumers will continue to snatch him up at a discounted Round 2 price.
Hillis is about to make his doubters look silly.

15 August 2011

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I See You Delmon (live blog from Comerica Park)



Can it be?

Yes!

Newly acquired Delmon Young just went yard against his former team in his first at bat as a Tiger.

Now granted he probably took BP off this dude this morning before he had to move from one clubhouse to the other. But I see you big fella...

7:59 PM - MdotNetz: "This grown man is dressed as the after effects of a bestiality session between Magglio and Winnie the Pooh. Except this guy has way less teeth."

8:06 PM - This fella also brings his own glove to a game. You're a grown ass man bro...

8:07 PM - Biggy Bagel wins the Dunkin Donut race





8:39 PM
I see you Avila...

8:46 PM
I SEE YOU AVILA!!! Avila hits a triple and is a homer shy of the cycle....

8:49 PM - Chick vomits in her lap. Great start to the week, sweetheart.

8:58 PM - The wave picks up steam. Did it really take an hour and 58 minutes for the women and children to get bored?

9:07 PM - Not standing up for Jim Thome's 600th home run. Did Tiger fans forget that this guy consistently kills us every year, let alone hit the go-ahead shot?

9:12 PM - MdotNetz: I realize the guy dressed up as Tigger from earlier may have down syndrome. It's a 95% chance. I shake my head in disgust with myself.

9:14 PM - Rayburn goes yardsale. 25 cent coney dogs at the A&W in Clawson tomorrow. Followed immediately by a trip to Black Lotus Brewery. I know how my Tuesday is gonna play out.

9:42 PM -MdotNetz: Rally Cap time! The 16 year old in front of me follows suit. I'm so trendy.

10:15 PM - MdotNetz: 0-8 for the games that we've attended in 2011. 8-0 on not catching a stray bullet. #breakingeven.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

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Baby Gorilla Is Saved: Artie Lange Coming Back To Radio This Fall



In a candid and wide-ranging new interview the comedian Artie Lange talks about the rehabilitation treatment he has undergone in his year-and-a-half hiatus from performing, and discusses the details of a new radio program he plans to host in September.

During a conversation recorded for the “Fixing Joe” podcast hosted by his friend and fellow comedian Joe Matarese (and which we were pointed to by laughspin.com), Mr. Lange said he would begin broadcasting a show for Fox Sports Radio on Sept. 12, though the network said this was not the case.

Mr. Lange described the new program, which he said he would host with the comedian Nick DiPaolo, as a “a sports entertainment kind of comedy show,” and said it would be carried in about 250 markets in the United States. He added that there was a possibility the DirecTV satellite service might show the program on television “if it goes well enough.”

Dan Bell, a spokesman for Fox Sports, said, “That’s not true. Nothing against him. We’re looking for a more traditional sports-host personality.” A press representative for Mr. Lange wrote in an e-mail, “We are excited by the overwhelming interest in Nick and Artie. But there is no job to confirm for them at this time.”

Mr. Lange cautioned in the podcast interview, “Nothing’s been signed yet but we’re going to do it.” He added: “This is a bad negotiating tactic, but it’s either this or opening a landscape business for me at this point.”

Mr. Lange has been on a hiatus from “The Howard Stern Show” since late 2009. Throughout the interview, which Mr. Matarase described as “two old friends talking about things from their heart,” Mr. Lange talked about the help he has sought for anxiety and his addiction to drugs and alcohol.

Mr. Lange said in the last year and a half he had been in two rehabilitation facilities and three psychiatric wards. “I’ve got to say,” he said with a laugh, “you haven’t lived till you’ve played Scrabble in a psych ward. It’s really a fun time.”

He said he felt compelled to get clean after the deaths of the comedians Mitch Hedberg, who died of a drug overdose in 2005, and Greg Giraldo, a close friend who died in September and had an overdose of prescription drugs a few days earlier.

“The whole idea of death started to freak me out more than it ever did,” Mr. Lange said. He added: “It just made me want to stick around. It really did.”

Having spent so much time away from comedy stages and broadcast booths, Mr. Lange said he realized there was value to working out his issues in front of an audience.

“It’s weird because standup can be like therapy,” he said. “Comedians can’t be satisfied with just having fun with our friends. We’ve got to figure out a way to do it on stage. I’ve got to figure out a way to make a guy paying $11 for a Rolling Rock laugh at this.”

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Indiana State Fair Tragedy




It's not everyday you attend a concert and have the thought in your mind that you might not return home. This was reality for several attendees to an Indiana State Fair concert that featured country artist Sugarland this previous weekend as 4 were killed and several dozens injured in a freak stage collapse. Currently blamed on the weather, the stage collapsed minutes before Sugarland took stage. Investigators are currently looking into the factors that caused this incident. 60 mph winds and a heavy thunderstorm, structural flaws, and damage to the equipment are all factors that are being looked into. Investigators are also looking into whether or not fair officials took proper precautions as a severe thunderstorm watch was issued 3 hours before the incident took several lives.

Most of those injured or killed had VIP tickets to the concert. The majority fled the area after the collapse; however, many rushed back into the rubble attempting to save those unfortunately stuck in the fallen stage. Indiana state Governor Mitch Daniels stated in reference to the incident, "Many hoosiers in the crowd had tried to save those who were trapped under rigging. There was a hero every ten feet on Saturday night, I cannot tell you how proud I am to be the employee of six and a half million people like that".

In hindsight, many fair-goers and safety officers believe wholeheartedly that the incident could have been prevented with proper actions by fair officials. One Indiana resident that attended the concert stated, "It could have been prevented if the place had been evacuated properly. They knew the weather was coming. They should have evacuated it fast".

Whether or not this was a careless act by fair officials, we mourn the death of those killed last Saturday night and hope this type of an incident does not happen again. Indiana state fair re-opened its doors shortly after the collapse and ran through Sunday night.



14 August 2011

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Apple 'Within Minutes' of Announcing iPhone 5 Release Date?





The iPhone 5 release rumor has reached the peak with the latest reports about the device being unveiled as early as Sept. 7, quashing earlier theories about an October launch.

The Beatweek Magazine has gone a step ahead to speculate that Apple could soon make some announcements regarding the iPhone 5 release date. It says Apple is "within minutes of announcing the release date for the iPhone 5 with iOS 5".

Earlier, a Japanese tech Web site, Kodawarisan, reported that Apple could unveil an iCloud iPhone on Sept. 7, and that, along with a new iPhone, it could also release a slate of new iPods.

Kodawarisan has a history of accurately predicting major Apple events in the past, and it says unlike last year, this year's Apple special event could be the stage for releasing iPhone 5.

Also, the leak of pictures purportedly of new iPhone 5 cases on the Internet accelerated release date rumors. There were reports in tech Web sites that the images came from a source which had leaked pictures of iPad 2 cases a fortnight before the tablet's release. If the images are genuine and if there really is a distinguishable pattern relating it to the leak of images of iPad 3 case, then iPhone 5 is perhaps round the corner.


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6 To Midnight: Gaga's New Fanboy



Raise your hand if you think Lady Gaga is a dumb drunken weird butter face?  Yeah me too, but after I heard this interview/performance on the Howard Stern Show the other day I cant help but be impressed with her talent as a musician. 

As of right now I am officially into Lady Gaga.  Shes smokin hot.  What else is there?