31 May 2011


by Matt Netzel
Top of the 7th and we're up 2. We need 2 outs, bases loaded. I'm out in left having a panic attack. One run in. FUCK! Look who's up next. Their 4 batter/Short stop. Easily best kid on the team. I KNOW we're losing this game for sure. I'm not too intense about losing. I'm not gonna go home and scream at my girlfriend or hit my dog, but at the same time that shit gets old. 4 batter strikes out swinging! I couldn't believe it. We were ecstatic! This team needed this win more than anyone knows. I mean when else are we gonna get to use our jump 5*?

I don't know what it was tonight. Was it my sliding catch to end the inning? Ridenour's strikeouts (including the game winner)? Tim, Jon, Lesnau, and Ed's clutch hitting at the bottom of the order? Mark's 2-run homer? Wild Steve jumping out of his shoes at short? George and Tadziu's heads-up base running scoring key runs? No. It was a team effort. We never lost our composure in the biggest of moments. Now I know what you're thinking; "what is it their first win?" And the answer is yes. It is. In over 2 years at least. It was bound to happen sooner or later, and with a capacity crowd on hand (like 6 for us and 4 for the other team), we put on a show.

NBA Finals: Turn Up the Heat

by Jacob Allen
Watching the introduction of the starting lineups.....it must be downright terrifying to be a Dallas Mav or a Mav fan right now. Maybe I'm jumping on a bandwagon, but maybe I'm just giving myself a reason to watch the NBA.  So put your seat belts on...here comes the NBA Finals.


"I take care of my ass pussy"

"That Didn't Even Have To Happen.....Bitch!!!"

...screams the crazy lady swinging a lawn chair at what looks like her mans ride.  He surely deserved it.

This ladyLatonya Dawson of Detroit, specifically states at the end of her chairs gone wild rage fest (4:51), "That didn't even have to happen...bitch".  Exactly.  Elin Woods doesn't have a damn thing on you.  Thank you crazy lady for cementing my opinion in general.  Thank you for losing it in front of a camera AND the cops...essentially telling me and the world that making sure "He don't do that again" is more important to you than a) legal trouble b) public humiliation and c) maintaining your equilibrium .  Did going Sybil on those windows have to happen?  Absolutely not.  Did it happen?  You bet it did.  Any female member of the crazy club that can find 1% rational behind this I demand an explanation.  Does it make you feel better or something?

Now if you are a dude, or around these parts a BRO (which we can assume most readers of this blog are), and you have ever had a girlfriend, wife, or significant other (again, I will assume you have)...then a certain element of this post is going to hit home. So the question I'm asking here is not IF women, in general, cross the crazy line. They do.  It's universally a given.  Don't believe me...women?   Find the nearest bro and ask him if he's ever been in a situation where his girlfriend went a little "crazy". The chuckle/giggle of an answer you just got means, "Trust me, you don't even want to know".  No the question is not IF, the question is WHAT...and specifically WHAT qualifies as going TOO far?

Is smashing a Caddy in the middle of Jefferson Ave. going too far?  As a human being instinct tells me to answer yes...but the depressing reality is that I have personally experienced worse. It blows the mind how many times I have watched my woman fly off the handle at my expense. Some worse than others...depending on how crazy the specific female is that I was dealing with at the time, but just because some were "worse" in no way implies that the others were "better". They are all bad...just some less worse than others. I mean just imagine if you saw some dude...in downtown Detroit...smashing his boo's ride with a beach chair. That video would be virally unparalleled. 3,000,000 + hits on YouTube within a week.  In a month and a half this video only has a shade over 100,000 hits because somewhere along the line it became socially OK for a girl to go completely bat shit crazy when she has her feelings hurt.  How is this fair?

Lets open this one up to the readers, but before I go I want to quiz any girl who is reading this.

"So let me get this straight.  You grabbed my cell phone while I was napping?  I wont even question if that is acceptable or not...because apparently it is.  So you sent a text message to my ex girlfriend not 1, but 2 girls before you in which you unjustly called her a bitch/skank for absolutely no reason?  When she responds aggressively...you wonder why and somehow this equates to me being a huge asshole and you trying to smoke me in the jaw?  All this before I wake up from the nap?"

Q:  What's up with that?

I would be very interested in hearing about your personal stories and experiences. Comments encouraged.

Walmart Wolverines

30 May 2011

Things I'm Bringing Back Pt. 2

By Jacob Allen
Not as if there is any chance of getting caught without mentioning this, but the original "Things I'm Bringing Back" post was not mine. Getting that off of my chest does not feel as rewarding as I thought it would.
Credit Here Goes to WildSteve

Top 10 things I'm Going To Bring Back:

10:  Things I'm Bringing Back
9:  Jncos/Pipes
8:  The Bowl Cut

Tressel Resigns From Ohio State

COLUMBUS, Ohio - Monday morning was not much of a holiday for national football media as news came out that Jim Tressel resigned as head coach of The Ohio State University. Luke Fickell will serve as the head coach for 2011-12 and a new head permanent head coach will be in place for the 2012 season.

"In consultation with the senior leadership of the Board of Trustees, I have been actively reviewing matters attendant to our football program, and I have accepted Coach Tressel's resignation," said Ohio State President E. Gordon Gee. "The University's enduring public purposes and its tradition of excellence continue to guide our actions."

The Buckeyes are in the middle of a NCAA investigation that stemmed from the illegal trade of merchandise for discounted tattoos that resulted in several suspensions including a five game one for Tressel himself. The depth of the investigation has deepened with car sales getting a watchful eye from the NCAA as well.

Monday morning proved to be the end of the era when Tressel decided to call it a career with the Buckeyes.

Well, well, well. Look who has the dirtiest program in the nation. I'm actually surprised he stepped down this fast. This asshole is so fucking smug, I really thought he would take this to court. Really make a huge deal about it. Probably cry in front of the camera and blame the media. "Just don't take it out on the kids", he'd plead. But, no. He actually did what a real man would and accepted responsibility for his actions. Very uncharacteristic, Jim.

And excuse me, Thad Matta, is there anything you'd like to say before your entire athletic department is investigated? Any particular reason you've been getting the top players in the nation every year, and they only stay a year or two before they bounce for the pros? I believe I brought this to light back in mid February...hmmm. I digress. I just love watching this whole program implode.

Kuester Fired: Dont Let the Door Hit You....Chump

In news that shouldn't surprise anyone, the Pistons have reportedly fired head coach John Kuester. With the franchise's sale to Tom Gores expected to become official this week, the team has decided to start the roster's rebuilding now.

With a lockout pending July 1, the Pistons have about a month to make as many moves as they can, the first of which being a coaching change. The team will also conduct its selection in the upcoming 2011 NBA Draft being held June 23. Reports have surfaced that Detroit could package its No. 8 first-round pick to the Cleveland Cavaliers, who would also absorb the contract of Rip Hamilton via a trade exception.

Kuester is already being linked to the L.A. Lakers, who could hire him as an assistant under newly-named head coach Mike Brown. The Pistons, meanwhile, are believed to be interested in both Mike Woodson and Bill Laimbeer. Woodson and Kuester both served as assistants in Detroit under Larry Brown during the 2003-04 season. Laimbeer has no NBA head coaching experience but has served as an assistant with the Minnesota Timberwolves the past two years after coaching Detroit's former WNBA franchise, the Shock.

28 May 2011

Rip Hamilton Is Rumored To Be On His Way Out....Again?

This time It's apparently in a 3 team MEGA DRAFT DAY DEAL for the ages.  Wait...I'm confused.  Isn't Rip always on his way out of Detroit or involved in some sort of trade rumor.  Let me answer that one.  Yes, he is.  I am less confident that this trade will go through than I am confident it will....or any trade for rip will ever go though.

It really is a double edged sword because sure he gets paid too much and is on the decline, but has everybody forgotten him as a/the KEY and i mean KKEEEEEYYYY part of a team that won me....and i guess the rest of the city...an NBA championship?

All this hype around the Heat and all the glitz and glamor of the NBA finals....well that was us year after year and in 2004 we took that shit down.  Personally...I think Rip deserves what ever Rip wants.  He won me a title....and for that I am forever indebted to him.  Just like I am to Ben, just like I am to Tayshaun, and just like I would still be to Rasheed if he were still hoopin professionally.  Chauncey is a whole different story.  He was the glue and the lone superstar on that squad.  We owe him more than the others....but I still hold onto hope that ill see #1 suit up in red white and blue again.

Back to Rip.....Here are his top ten greatest playoff performances:

No. 10 -- Game 6 at Miami In The 2006Eastern Conference Finals
No. 9 -- Game 4 at Milwaukee In The 2004 Eastern Conference Playoffs 1st Round
No. 8 -- Game 5 Versus MIL In The 2006 Eastern Conference Playoffs 1st Round
No. 7 -- Game 2 Versus Orlando in The 2003 Eastern Conference Playoffs 1st Round
No. 6 -- Game 6 at Indiana In The 2005 Eastern Conference Semifinals
No. 5 -- Game 4 at Orlando In The 2008 Eastern Conference Semifinals
No. 4 -- Game 6 at San Antonio in The 2005 NBA Finals
No. 3 -- Game 6 Versus Indiana in The 2004 Eastern Conference Semifinals
No. 2 -- Game 3 Versus The L.A. Lakers In The 2004 NBA Finals
...and No. 1 -- Game 5 at Indiana In The 2004 Eastern Conference Finals

Rip, if you do get traded (or when you get traded) before you go...thank you. I speak on behalf of myself, my dtown bros, and the GREAT city of Detroit. You gave it your all for so many years. We wish you the best. We are all confident that you will stick your next gig like you stick your mid range J.


From CNNMoney
Charles Riley, On Thursday May 26, 2011, 4:04 pm EDT

More than one in five Americans -- some 36.9 million -- are not fit to drive and would fail a driving test if asked to take one today, according to a new survey of the nation's drivers.
Shocking as that may be, it's actually an improvement. Last year, 38 million received failing grades. Nationwide, the average score this year increased to 77.9% from 76.2% in 2010.
According to GMAC Insurance, which conducted the survey, the results mean that a great number of people on the road still lack basic driving knowledge, an ignorance that leads to dangerous driving habits. For example, a full 85% of those surveyed could not identify the correct action to take when approaching a steady yellow traffic light.
And only one in four knew safe following distances.

Fantasy Football 2011: Detroit Lions

Will You Consider Drafting The Lions Defense?


By C-Bus

Somehow Elway -- the Denver Broncos vice president and Hall-of-Fame quarterback -- became aware of the Fort Collins, Colo., punk band "Elway", and decided he's just not cool with the group using his surname.

The Broncos legend’s lawyer has requested that the band change its name, but stopped short of suing or issuing a cease and desist order.

The band, to its credit, was mostly amused. In a 
statement released via punknews.org, the band acknowledged the letter and suggested Elway had better things to do in the wake of the Broncos' disastrous 2010 season.

27 May 2011

I'm a Bel-ieber.

by Matt Netzel

Not exactly this moment I'm not. But after seeing these pictures, I'm on my way. Look, dude is legitimately crushing Selena Gomez... regularly. It's only a matter of time until they split up, and when they do, Biebs  is gonna tear apart every 25-37 year old actress, model, and recording artist in North America. He's gonna go Timberlake on us and make bad ass panty moistening jams. I never really understood why women freak the fuck out over The Beatles, Elvis, Backstreet Boys, and Bieber. Then again they're women and I can't explain anything about them psychologically.

Being a 25 year old male on the verge of Bieber fever is unsettling. It's how I imagine typhoid fever to be. I'm beet red(with embarrassment), I vomited(in disgust at myself), I'm lethargic(mainly because I'm generally lazy), and I'm delirious(obviously, I'm blogging about Justin Bieber).

26 May 2011

Chicago Sports Fan: Bi-Polar? I'm Bi-Winning, unless we're losing

By Cbus

I want to start this post for apologizing for the hate post below, but if there is one thing I hate more than the pro sports teams in Chicago, it's their miserable fans, and if I'm not hating, I'm not breathing.

In the four years I have lived in Chicago, aka infiltrated enemy territory, I've been surrounded by these mentally unstable cry babies. The Chicago fan is either in your face, overly confident or completely unable to contain their misery, "over" their team. Bulls win game 1 by 20 and it's a locked up guarantee sweep, lose game three on the road and the series is finished, Bulls suck. Can

'South Park' Compares College Athletes to Slaves

by Waffles McButter courtesy of BroBible.com

I have always been for paying student athletes who participate in the highest grossing sports. Giving them a free education is swell and all but when your football or basketball team brings in enough money to fund every other sport at your university (and their talents are what is making you the money), shouldn't you throw the kids some cash to live and eat? And not just in the on-campus slum and slop house.

Trey Parker and Matt Stone apparently feel the same way, only they have an entire T.V. show to voice that opinion and they also chose to compare student athletes to the slave trade. Of course they did. A hilarious clip -- about student athletes being slaves -- from the latest "South Park" is below.

25 May 2011

Day 1 of constructing my own 3 green 18 hole par 3 course in my parents front yard

My 350 Yard Drive Yesterday....By the Numbers

Hole # 10 and My ICBM

Brian Rafalski Retires: What This Means for the Detroit Red Wings

By Matthew Shepard on May 24, 2001

Brian Rafalski has confirmed the rumors and said he will retire with a year remaining in his contract. Detroit is still waiting for the return of their captain, Nicklas Lidstrom. For now, Detroit is down a man but now has $6 million extra in cap space. With a major hole to fill in defense, Jonathan Ericsson maybe able to stay with the Wings. For now, Detroit has Niklas Kronwall, Brad Stuart and Jakub Kindl. If Lindstrom returns, the Wings may be able to recover by picking up a defenseman from free agency; however, Rafalski was a key player on the blue line. Over the years Rafalski had many injuries, which may have impacted his decision to retire. He had back surgery last year and missed games

**Jersey Shore Update**

TMZ just broke that Ronnie and the Sitch got in a brawl out in Italy. I was pretty excited to see these guys in Italy as it was, but to see the Situation get beat up by Ronnie adds to the suspense. GOD this show is redic, and they get paid for doing nothing, AND I LOVE IT. These cats are out control, beating each other up, beating up girls, beating the beat up... Then get paid 50k to show up at a bar have a drink and bang the hottest girls in the bar. What am I doing wrong? I need to get famous ASAP.

23 May 2011

Bros Page

Check out the finished "Bros" page and learn a bit about the coalition of bros we call the D Town Bro Co.

21 May 2011

Rapture playlist

Note this is a live blog from Finnegans Wake in Pittsburgh, PA. GO TIGERS!  It's being posted way late because I'm hammered.

Dead or Alive - Bon Jovi
Dance Until the World Ends - Britney Spears
Final Countdown - Europe
When the World Ends - Dave Matthews Band
It's the End of the World as we Know it - R.E.M.
Rapture - Anita Baker
Santa Monica - Everclear
Stairway to Heaven - Led Zepplin
Highway to Hell - ACDC

20 May 2011

Blake Griffin: A Season Defined

Macho Man Randy Savage Dead at 58

I'm sure many of you have heard by now; but if you're a little slow to the punch I feel its best I break the news to you. Macho Man Randy Savage died early this morning after having a heart attack behind the wheel and crashing into a tree. My man was one of the greatest wrestlers in WWF's history. He was crazy before being crazy was cool. I'm willing to bet the Macho Man Wrestling Buddy was one of the top selling toys in the late 80's/early 90's (first person who gives me a stat to prove this gets an outside the pants HJ).

19 May 2011

Things I'm Bringing Back

Since I'm cool enough to be trendy I decided to bring back a few words. I will start using "sinchy", "nards", and "rad" again. I mean if you really think about it, 2011 is a lot like 1994 except everything is less awkward and kids take more pharmaceuticals. Those are really the only differences to me. Got anything you'd like to bring back? Leave it in the comment section and maybe we'll jump on board. I wouldn't mind doing the "Tootsie Roll" out on the dance floor if someone needed some help bringing it back.

Vancouver's Bringing It! Tit Flash Diversion Tactic...It's Working!

2:00 Minors and Penalty Box First Timers

Biggest Douche Award Goes To Leroy Fick

$2M Michigan lottery winner defends use of food stamps

Ron French, Detroit News staff writer
A Michigan man who won $2 million in a state lottery game continues to collect food stamps 11 months after striking it rich.
And there's nothing the state can do about it, at least for now.
Leroy Fick, 59, of Auburn won $2 million in the state lottery TV show "Make Me Rich!" last June. But the state's Department of Human Services determined he was still eligible for food stamps, Fick's attorney, John Wilson of Midland, said Tuesday.

18 May 2011

Wildcats goin HAM tonight

Wildcats Hockey, an organization accustomed to winning and glory, is facing dire times this season. We're 0-6 and getting edged in every game. We're a better team than our record states and last week I saw some fire spark in this team. We got physical as fuck and we played with some passion, and Dammit, that makes me proud. Tonight we face the best team in the league and if luck be a lady, she's gettin gang banged by some Wildcats tonight. And as the captain, I take it upon myself to say the losing road ends here. Meow my friends.....Meoww.

17 May 2011

It's Game Time. Are You Ready?

Beers Softball

A few games into the season, I feel the need to let everyone know about the best softball team to ever grace the diamonds at Liberty Park. And by best, I mean a combination of funniest home videos, Bad News Bears, and the Artie Lange movie Beer League. We may not ever play a full 7 innings, but I challenge you to come to a game and not come away with some sense of enjoyment. With that said, Daddy goes out and mashes. For those of you keeping score at home, I'm hitting .857 right now. Just smoking the ball. Don't get me wrong, I love goin out and throwin in a fat chaw and broing out with some old school homeboys, but I'm also there to put up numbers. I'm more or less out there to have a good time and have a pop with some buds. I'm not "Softball Guy" by any means. I'm not serious enough that I'm going to get pissed if you miss the cut off, or into it enough to buy my own bat and spend more than $13 at Play It Again for some cleats. However, you better believe homeboy is getting his.

Mike ‘The Situation’ Sorrentino’s Dad is Just As Big… - BroBible.com

Mike ‘The Situation’ Sorrentino’s Dad is Just As Big… - BroBible.com

16 May 2011

Where you at whodie?

Drop And Gimme 50 - 10th Ward Buck by WTA

R.I.P M-Bone

Los Angeles (CNN) -- Rapper M-Bone of the group Cali Swag District died Sunday night in what police said was a drive-by shooting in his hometown, Inglewood, California. M-Bone, whose real name was Montae Talbert, was sitting in a car in the 400 block of North LaBrea Avenue when a car pulled up next to his and someone fired two rounds that struck the rapper in his head, Inglewood Police Lt. Steve Overly said Monday. Talbert, 22, died later at a hospital, Overly said. Preliminary reports on the model of car that was involved have not been confirmed, he said.

Another one gone too soon and before his time.

On behalf of The Coalition: This Dougie's for you...

Yes...The Bros Are Fantasy Football "Guys"

by Jacob Allen
Dear Coalition Of Fantasy Ballers,

Championship Round
Every fall a few of the bros, myself, and a few other   friends and family compete in what is becoming a serious fantasy football league.  Staying true to my roots, as commish, I chose Detroit, MI CCY as the name of this league.    This embodies how all of us feel at D Town Bro Co.  Like Eminem on "Recovery"...or Ma$e on "Welcome Back"...each and every year I believe that the city of Detroit is going to storm ferociously back.  Why can't we?  The Tigers came back after a lifetime of sucking.  The Pistons came back from the damn teal horsie jerseys...and they won a title.  The Lions seem to have come back or at least started coming back.  The Red Wings dont need to come back...but even the mighty winged wheel managed to come back from being down 0-3 to force game 7.  (No...we are not going to talk about that game)  This year is not unlike any other.  Detroit is making a comeback.  Believe me or dont...i really dont care, but the writing is on the wall.

So onto our league.  I am without a doubt "Stat Geek".  I have already begun doing extensive research on next years draft...and yahoo wont even let me open the league because its too early.  Enough said.  I am also the guy that fell head over heels in love with Peyton Hillis because I got him on the waiver wire week 1.  Our league has a mix of all the other "guys".  Let me briefly outline who these guys are.  This will include current and past members of the league.

   The Jerk

   The Stat Geek

   The Wing It Guy

   The Drunk Guy
The Stat Geek:  King of the Hillis (Me or Snake to the Bros)

King of the Hillis:  Plans 5 months in advance.  Writes fantasy football posts on his blog in early May.  Strategicly negotiates trade partners in early May.  Already knows his top 12 picks so he wont be surprised with his draft position.  Total STAT GEEK.  Completely obsessed.  I win or find myself in contention in any fantasy league in any sport I am in.  This is a product of my lack of a life and total obsession with digital domination.  Sad...at best.

The Jerk:  Mandigo (Matt Waz)  Winners Win (Lucas Allen) in a 2 way tie

Mandingo:  Refuses to trade Vick all season yet has Drew Brees on his team and we can only start 1 QB.  Total JERK.  Same guy that was egging me into forming some sort of secret alliance with him all season long because he wanted to make sure he at least got a little piece of the pie.  I think the last time he proposed this offer to me i was 13-2.  Week before the playoffs.  Again, Total Jerk

Winners Win:  Drafts Ryan Matthews and Shonn Green with his first 2 picks.  Then boldly claims that neither me nor anybody else knew anything because he is sweet at fantasy and doesn't think he needs to prove it.  Hes the guy that desperately needed to make a trade to save his season but turned down an offer of Peyton Hillis for Jason Snelling week 4 because, "Jacob...you don't know shit.  Jerome Harrison is the guy in Cleveland.  Trust me".  The only chance he had to save his season was trading his QB, Brady, but would not make the move unless the manager on the other end of the trade was willing to deal back his #1 RB and #1 WR in return.  Well played little brother.  Fast forward.   He ended up backing his bold draft and bold statements with a convincing 11 of 12 place finish.  I guess winners do win the last game of the year to see who finishes dead last and who squeaks into the 11 spot.  Round of applause.

The Wing It Guy: Little Giants (Thomas Paci) *easiest guy to identify*

200+ yards and 4 TD's Later
I've Spotted the Sucker
Little Giants:  Signs up for the league 2 days before the draft and only found an open spot because of a VERY late drop.  He confidently decides to come to the live draft with us (knowing full well he was in way over his head), sits next to me, and starts off decent by picking Peyton Manning with lets say the 10th overall pick.  Then it all goes south.  He proceeds with his next move; which is to select Beanie Wells 15 overall and quickly and severely loses his shit.  The entire league crucifies the pick...which causes Tom to admit to me in no more than a subtle (for my ears only) whisper, "This is my first time.  I have no clue whatsoever what im doing."  Looking back I wish that I had said this, "Tom....you really don't need to whisper.  You just picked Beanie Wells with the 15th overall pick.  The secrets out."   But as his friend and life encompassing mentor I did the right thing.  Which apparently was me drafting his entire team for him..."yada yada yada".  Needless to say I walked away from that draft telling myself and any others that would hear me, "Tom is the mark...and hes been the mark since day 1."  Tom if you are just now finding this out I am sorry.  It is like Mike McDermott (Matt Damon) said in Rounders, "Listen, here's the thing, if you can't spot the sucker in your first half hour at the table, then you are the sucker".  I'm willing to say that out of 14 regular season weeks....I had to set Paci's lineup 8 or 9 times.  Just wingin' it from start to finish.  Paci ended up finishing in the money...3rd place, but for every "wing it guy" you have a makes decisions for "wing it guy" guy.  Tom is getting no credit here and ive decided to reward myself with a pat on the back.  Somehow I finished #2 and #3 in the same year with only 1 team.  Weird.

On a side note, Beanie started the year off injured and did not manage to see Paci's starting roster 1 time all year long.  I will take a short break from my stat geek roll and play the jerk for a sentence or 2.  Great pick Tom.  You really hit a homer on that one.  

The Drunk Guy:  Mouse Trap (BroCo's Front Man Matt Netzel or MDotNetz)

Consolidation Round
Mouse Trap:  Matt overextended himself fantasy football wise this past year.  Fact.  He was in 5 leagues simultaneously.  Despite being a mainstay in Detroit MI CCY...Matt was probably burnt out on draft day.  I found him unable to log onto to the yahoo draft page which I cured with a simple cache clear.  It was almost as if Matt was lost before he even started his journey.  He was recovering from the year before in which he saw himself cruising towards the title...only to be derailed by a late season Ronnie Brown injury.  Shocking.  On draft day Matt could not dig deep and shift his focus to the fantasy draft from the Boise State v. Virginia Tech football game that was crankin on the B Dubs big screen.  Although Matt was not hammered at the draft....he was hammered when he revealed to our friend, and league champ Adi, information that he should not have leaked.  Mouse Trap took down the title of "I finished dead last" and for that I commend him.  I have faith that he will turn things around next year and again smell the aroma of success.

Heres a few other awards I am going to hand out:

The Loyalty First Guy:  P-U-N-K  (C-Bus to the Bros)
The Holds On To Players Too Long Guy: P-U-N-K

P-U-N-K  formerly known as He Hate Me & JayMariottisPimpHand:  Casual readers will not be able to relate to this but Chris took my side and my brothers side over others.  Chose right over wrong.  He was rewarded with a Vick for Cutler straight up trade at the end of the season that eventually put him in the playoffs.  I did take advantage of him when he was acting like the Holds On To Players Too Long Guy.  In this instance he held on to Brett Favre way way too long and I took advantage of him in one of the most vulnerable spots.  Halftime of a monday night game in which Sexty Brettzky had like -4 points at halftime.  This was the same game he got Randy Moss.  The same game Chris probably thought was going to put Favre back on the map.  A quick text offering him Jay Cutler straight up for Megatron as the first half came to and end was executed before the ball was kicked off to start half #2.  Brett went on to throw about 3 TDs in the second.  Chris loves to finish around 3rd or 4th every year.  He doesn't win...but hes always in the playoffs and its just a matter of time before he takes one down.

Best Team Ever Assembled, But First Losers
The Wow Your'e Cocky Guy:  King of the Hillis  (Me)

King of the Hillis:  See Image.  This was my Christmas card sent out to the members in the league.  Thats a combination of the Stat Geek being the I Know Photoshop Guy being the Wow Your'e Cocky Guy.

The Best Team Name Guy:  Nerd Alert  (Jeff Cherritt...a.k.a. Big Cuz
The Best Spot Start Guy:  Nerd Alert
The How Does He Keep Winning? Guy:  Nerd Alert

Nerd Alert:  I firmly believe that Jeff spends loads of time picking out names of his teams.  Whether he does or doesn't one thing is true.  He sticks to them through the thick and thin.  Heres a rundown on team names in the last 3 leagues I've been in with him.

Detroit MI CCY - Nerd Alert  9/10
The Association - Lunch Eaters 10/10
Fear the Schlong's Reality - Doc Givers 8.5/10

Just solid fantasy gold.  His team names year in and year out rival a Mariano Riviera cut fastball.

His spot start of the year came week 7 when he played me.  I was 6-0 and he was 5-1.  #1 v. #2.  I will always remember it as the day I got "Britted".   He was decimated with bye weeks and as you can probably guess he snatched Kenny Britt off of waivers...this was before Kenny Britt had done a single thing all year.  Britt went on to drop 40+ on me and in an unexpected whirlwind of Britt my dreams of running a train on everybody else every week and finishing with an undefeated season were dashed.  Impossible as it sounds...anybody in the know would say that I did have a very real shot.  My 2 losses came to Vick and his 57 Monday night points the same week I traded him to C-Bus as a favor, and to Kenny FREAKING Britt and his career break out game.  I hate it.  That day Jeff came to visit.  We sat next to each other and what started out as 2 adults acting like giddy excited children ended in almost silence.  I was sour for weeks but no argument possible at this point big cuz.  Great spot start.  Great win.  This kind of transitions right into Jeff's final designation...the How Does He Keep Winning? Guy.  These types of wins were his staple all year long.  Every week he had somebody step up out of nowhere.  That and he had Arian Foster.  I suppose that helped.  He finished the year heading into the playoffs with a record that would have been good enough to get the #2 seed had he been in the other division.  He lost early in the playoffs but fantasy playoffs are just dumb luck sometimes.  He'll do it again...and next fall I have no doubt that hell keep turning what seems like water into wine....week after week after week.  Jeff is a way above average fantasy baller and I thoroughly enjoy playing any fantasy league with him.  A total top bro top to bottom.

The Puck Wont Bounce My Way Guy:  SnakeKillers  (Ryan Griffin)

SnakeKillers:  First off Ryan was a fantasy football rookie, but as a rookie played a tremendous season.  He would make good smart moves only to find himself running into the top point scorer of the week.  Every week he would do the right thing.  He would start the right players.  He would grab the right waivers.  And every week he would lose his match up due to crazy gypsy magic circumstances.  Ive never seen the fantasy gods or some type of voodoo magic shaft a team harder than they shafted his all season long .  A perfect example of this is around week 10 we played each other and he ended up losing by something like 2 points on a last second defensive touchdown by my NYJ D.  At one time SnakeKillers appeared a sure thing to make the playoffs, but eventually ended up missing.  With 6 playoff spots available SnakeKillers headed into week 15 as the 7 seed on a total points tiebreaker.  True to form.  Ryan...the future is bright keep plugging along.

The No Add, No Trade, No Move Guy:  Kiss The Baby (Adi Dalvi)
The Champion Guy:  Kiss The Baby

Kiss The Baby:  What can I say?  He drafted the same team he played with the entire year...and then took me down in the finals.  No more than 4 total transactions the entire year.  The photo to the right shows the extent in which I bent him over in a late regular season match up, only to have him re bend me and return the favor in the finals.  I am just getting over hating him for it...but a congrats is in store.  You may not have deserved it, but you did get it.

So as fantasy football season draws closer I will be raining posts on the comings and goings of the Bro's league.  I will be providing updates as to the status of Detroit and how its making a run at this CCY trophy.  And I will share as much of my Stat Geek inside information as I deem appropriate.


Your Commish Snake

15 May 2011

Snake Juice Salesmen

I still consider a massive spliff and a golden coldie to be the preferred hangover cure, but for those who spend their time in the company of people who consider the wake and bake taboo, I give you CNN's take on what the majority of the world does on a Saturday morning.

Pencil the Bros in for "FUCKING CRAZY!"

14 May 2011

In The Words of Lil Wayne

I don't write shit cause I ain't got time.

Seriously. I started a new landscaping job where I've worked 7am-9pm 6 days a week. I'll be back on my blogging grind soon though. Sorry bros.

Fight For Your Right: Revisited

13 May 2011

Maxim's Hot 100 2011

Maxim's Hot 100 issue just came to my roomates' house today and I wasted NO TIME getting into that sum bitch. SPOILER: Rose Hutington-Whiteley (Megan Fox's replacemend for Transformers 3 get the number 1. Chicks hotter than sin, and frankly: I'm okay with the number one selection. Now, mind you everyone has their own opinions and tastes; but I feel like there were a few overrated and underrated smokes in here. Had Wild Steve had veto power for this issue there woulda been some rearranging and bumping. So just for shits and gigs (and since you know you don't have much else to do, which is why you're here in the first place) here's the Wild Steve overrated, underrated and snubbed.


79. JWoww: I'm currently having second thought about this one once I started googling pics of her to post, but 79 might be just a bit too high for this bitch. Yeah shes got a set of hammers on her and she's really cleaned up since the first season at Seaside. But you've seen Jenny in the morning, you've seen her cry, you've seen her blacked out. It just doesn't do it for me. So you can either get to the bottom of the list, stay here and get ya ass beat, or stay here and get ya ass beat!

62. Whitney Port: I seriously thought this girl was semi-retarded when I started watching The Hills. I mean not that I watched it...but.....OK fuck it I watched it a few times after Laguna Beach
ended. Girl's cross-eyed at best. Get off my list

34. Avril Lavigne: 34??!? Reverse it and add 60. She doesn't even make my list

4. Cameron Diaz: Sorry babe, your pic in the mag looks great, but any jabroni with photoshop can take 10 years off of you. Back of the line!


91. Erin Andrews: Erin has one of the prettiest faces I've ever seen. And she looks really hot nude but good luck getting your hands on that shit ever again. Girl makes a career of talking sports and being sexy as hell. Shes just a bro trapped in a phenomenal chick body.

82. Kelly Kelly: Now, I know you guys are probably all thinking that this has a lot to do with my love of WWE, but take some time and watch this chick on Monday nights. Her body is ROCKIN! The pic in the mag is bad as fuck too, she dons the stars and bars like its nobody's business. Plus I think shes bangin The Undertaker.

67. Ciara: Do yourself a favor and watch the video for her song "Ride." Put the penis rumors to rest and move this girl up!

51. Nicole Sherzinger: Pussycat Doll frontgirl can sing, dance and shes fine as all hell. Top 20 AT LEAST!


Jessica Biel: Unlike Cameron Diaz, Jess gets better with age. One of the Gibster's top 3 girls doesn't even make the cut?? It's a damn shame.

Trish Stratus: Another Diva, but ya know what? This is my blog so fuck off. Trish has always been one of my faves, and I know she fell off the map for a while but she's back now and better than ever! Check her out on the Raw episodes in the weeks leading up to Wrestlemania and tell me you don't got a chub.

That's the WildSteve breakdown on behalf of The Coalition. Dude! I can't just sit here and blog all night I got ex-girlfriends to drunk dial!

12 May 2011

ESPN.com: 50 Reasons to Love the NHL

Mmmm. Erin. Take it easy on that mic, sweetheart.
"Here are 50 Reasons to Love the NHL" link

Did I black out and write an article that was somehow stolen by ESPN when I torrented a virus earlier (I knew trying to download the new Lonely Island CD was not such a good idea)? This guy took the words straight from my brain through my fingertips and wrote the best take ESPN has had on any sport since they opened the doors in Bristol, Connecticut. I wouldn't even call this guy the biggest hockey fan out there. Not even close. His points are so genuine that any hockey fan, in whatever capacity, will enjoy this post. Enjoy BroCo faithful. Happy Game 7 day!

11 May 2011

Dennis Rodman To Get Jersey Retired...Again?!

A New York strip club will retire Dennis Rodman's No. 10 jersey tonight in celebration of his 50th birthday. An employee at Headquarters Gentlemen's Club confirmed Rodman, who turns 50 on Friday, will be there but did not know which jersey would hang on the wall. Dancers will reportedly wear Rodman's Pistons jersey, which is certainly more than they normally wear. Reports say Charlie Sheen could be in attendance. Wonder if any former teammates will be there ... for support.
I can't say I'm surprised by this. This actually makes more sense than him retiring it with the Pistons. He has undoubtedly logged more time in strip clubs. The funny thing is the strippers are going to wear Pistons jerseys while Rodman will probably wore in 1990. A bib, pacifier, a huge bonnet, maybe an umbilical cord. The possibilities are endless with "the Worm".  
Seeing as how Greg Monroe is going to wear Rodman's number 10 during his entire stay in Detroit, Rodman's gotta get some love somewhere. And what a better place than somewhere where "love" only costs about 2 fiddy for a half hour. 

Who Would've Thought That Dreams Come True?

10 May 2011

"Inside the Bro Co." : A Rare Peek Into the Inner Workings of the Bros

Clowe had said after Game 4 that he was hoping to line up against Kronwall at some point during the second-round series after Dany Heatley got Kronwall-ed in Game 3. Kronwall laughed it off Saturday, taking it as a compliment. Tonight, he rammed into Clowe two minutes after scoring in the Wings’ 4-3 victory at HP Pavilion.
“You’re just trying to play hockey,” Kronwall said. “You don’t really think about too much who you’re out there against, you just try to play as hard as possible.

09 May 2011

Breaking: Beibs is a Brat!

From Yahoo.com
After saying that Bieber was "pretty good," considering that he'd "never acted before," Helgenberger doesn't even wait for a follow-up question before going on to describe Bieber's behavior behind the scenes. "I shouldn't be saying this, but he was kind of a brat," she declares. "He was very nice to me. But he locked one of the producers in a closet and he put his fist through a cake that was on the craft service table." (He attacked a CAKE?! I am serious: That is the work of a sociopath.) Bieber's already responded to his nine-million-plus followers on Twitter, tweeting, "[I]t's kinda lame when someone you met briefly and never worked with comments on you. I will continue to wish them luck and be kind." Possibly he typed "kind" when he meant "passive-aggressive."

Racial Slur

I have just received word that I will be fined by the NHL in tandem with fags (in general) to the tune of $100,000 for making light of Antti Niemi and his personal (faggy) life choices.

08 May 2011

BREAKING NEWS!!! D Town Bro Co.'s Own Jacob Allen Exposes Antti Niemi. "He Is No Hetrosexual"

Patricia Kane and Jennifer Toews say, "We knew all along."

Verlander Goes No-No

I think the best thing about Verlander's second no hitter of his career is the professionalism. JV's been there before and will likely be back soon. His professional demeanor carries over throughout the entire organization. Take Trevor Thompson, for example.
He gets absolutely drenched during the post game interview and just keeps on rollin like it ain't no thing. Dude has ice cubes just chillin in his hair, water streaming off his chin, and he's not even phased. Cool as a cucumber, just like our boy Justin. Buy a new suit today, Trev. You deserve it, sir.

Happy Mother's Day from DTBC

04 May 2011

Osama Bin Laden Has Farty Pants

WASHINGTON (Reuters) - Al Qaeda leader Osama bin Laden was buried at sea from the deck of a U.S. aircraft carrier in the north Arabian Sea after being washed according to Islamic custom and receiving a religious funeral, a U.S. defense official said on Monday.

"Preparations for at-sea burial began at 1:10 a.m. EST and were completed at 2 a.m. EST," the official said. "Traditional procedures for Islamic burial were followed."

"The deceased's body was washed and then placed in a white sheet. The body was placed in a weighted bag. a military officer read prepared religious remarks which were translated into Arabic by a native speaker. After the words were complete, the body was place on a prepared flat board, tipped up, whereupon the deceased's body eased into the sea," the official said.
I like to think that when they said Bin Laden was prepared for burial according to Islamic customs, and buried at sea, it's just code for "drew a balls and dick on his forehead, and fired his corpse off the back of the boat with an improvised water balloon launcher". But call me old fashioned.