05 June 2011

Yahoo! Opens Fantasy Football 2011: Merry Christmas

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by Jacob Allen
Fantasy Baseball is fine (I guess)...and I don't mean to complain, but it gives me the same feeling that I get the morning after Thanksgiving.  That next morning I'm always "thankful" that it's it is over.  I can only get so excited about Lance Berkman (Or literally plug in any professional baseball player's name here...I promise it is all the same) and his .300 NL leading batting average.  I mean the dude was ranked as the #2 overall player for most of the season and is a "stud", but lets me down 7 out of every 10 times he steps in the box.  As if this insane rate of failure is not enough, these "professionals" just plain old don't make the roster certain days because APPARENTLY the skipper thinks they need "rest".

"REST?!?!?!?!  Are you fuckin kidding me?  Hey LaRosa...stop acting like such a pussy and get Lance and his bat in the GAME.  Please.  I've got a head to head match-up to win...and surprisingly enough I've heard that you have a ball game the St. Louis Cardinals are paying you to win.  What do you think this is some kind of a joke?"

King of the Hillis plans on winning the Shiva Bowl in 11'
This is just great Berkman.  Just great.  So let me get this straight.  You are not JUST going to fail me 70% of the time.  No...what you are going to do, In addition to the failure, is take a few days off every couple of weeks.  For rest.  You faggy little girl.   Heres a dose of reality Grandps...I have 7 days every week to ride you and your and your aging body.  I do this willingly meanwhile day in and day out you can find me fighting for my statistical life.   What that boils down to is this; I am putting in the effort and you are not.  Notice how many times in the next few sentences the word "you" is going to be used.  I should not be surprised at your selfishness, but still I keep giving you chances and still you keep screwing me over.  If YOU decide that it is "ok" for YOU to rest, well apparently YOU know best so YOU must be right.  Lance, there is no time to rest.  That better be the last time I have to say it.  If YOU are going to continue to skip games because YOU  need rest, well on those days you might as well buy a plane ticket to Detroit...take a cab to my house...and piss directly on my face.  That's what it feels like you are doing anyways.  Fantasy baseballers like me deal with this shit daily, but somehow are supposed to find the whole thing fun, rewarding, and enjoyable.  News flash.  Fantasy baseball is not fun, it's certainly not rewarding, and is not even close to enjoyable.  Line 1 of this post said "I don't mean to complain", but boy was that comment inaccurate.  Complaining is exactly what I mean to do.  Fantasy baseball sucks.

This post is one of joy not pain...for today is a happy day.  Today is my day.  Didn't even check my baseball match-up once.  Don't want to.  Don't care.  Want to know why?  Because as of today, no longer is there a hurdle between me and the big dance.  This goes back to my point of Fantasy Baseball leaving me unfulfilled like Thanksgiving.  The day after Thanksgiving officially marks end of the wait and the beginning of the real countdown.  That's right.  I am saying it.  Fantasy Football is my Christmas and anything else (that includes you baseball) that dares to get in between ME and my PESENTS is going to get hit sticked.

Fantasy Football Nation:  Today I am proud to announce, "Santa Claus is coming to town."  Yahoo! is open and it's on like Donkey Kong.  Sept. 8 marks the first day games are played (unless this lockout is the real deal) and that means we have...about....96 days until the jolly old fat man makes his way down our chimneys.   I'm sure I've been naughty not very nice....but I'm making my list and checking it twice anyways.  After all, fantasy is coming to town.

/* Side Note:
The sequence of events leading up to this blog post:

1.  Creeping around on FaceBook
2.  Spot hint on wall post
3.  Mouse to navigation bar
4.  Type in www.yahoo.com
5.  Jizz in my pants
6.  Change pants

Yahoo! opening up the floodgates means more to people than just the fact that commissioners are now allowed to start inviting managers back into leagues.  It also means that the most important and influential player rankings are set and to those who plan on winning...it starts right now.

So while I had started doing my draft homework before this was realized, there is no doubt that I am a little stunned by some of the rankings and this post is purely driven by emotions.  I have settled down a little bit, but those that know me can just imagine.  I was freaking.

Me:  "Wheres Hillis going to be ranked?"

I'm flying through these ranking and articles like a Audi R8 on the autobahn.

Me:  "How long can I wait on Phillip Rivers?"

Chumps and busters must have been just inhaling my dust.

Me:  "What about the Lions Defense?  Wasn't I just blogging about that?"

I was losing control and losing it quickly.

Fast forward to the end, and I'll refrain from posting the latter portion of no less than 150 questions to myself later. I feel like I know less than when I started.

/* Side Note: 
To anybody thats brave enough to tell me that any other website outside of Yahoo! is king of the fantasy world, well you should also be brave enough to admit to me that you don't know shit...you might as well take this time now and face the music.  That comment proves that it is true.  You REALLY don't know shit.  It's 2011, time to get with it asshole.  Put down your flip phone and join the rest of us.

"ESPN is WAAAAAYYYY better than Yahoo! for Fantasy Football.", you might hear these guys saying.

These are the same jabronis that use Bing search instead of Google because "it's a decision engine" and "TRUST them it's better."

No..guy, it's not.

Rankings are fun but also misleading and do not do all that good of a job predicting what a player is going to do and for the most part look at his season as a whole instead of what this cat is going to give you week to week.  Especially early season rankings.  They are based solely on last seasons performance, as an entire body of work.  A million number of things can and will change before kickoff Sept. 8th.

The best part of the early ranking experience is checking out where everybody is ranked on your "last years" squad.  I did it.  Immediately looked at, and griped about where my players were ranked from last year.  Some because I thought they were not getting enough credit...others because I thought they would be ranked lower and that it was possible that I was the only person noticing them putting up 30 points a week in 2010 and maybe I could get them with a bargain pick in the 4th.  Well, I can't...but wishing and scheming is all part of what makes it so fun.

It is unreal how true to form each draft goes to Yahoo!'s pre-draft player ranks.  For example.  Last year, 2010,  rookies Ryan Matthews and Jahvid Best were ranked as the #7 and #27 overall players pre-draft.  I did a lot of mock drafts and more often than not I would see Matthews get snagged in round 1 and Best in round 3.  In our draft Matthews got taken #7 on the money and Best was taken #28....as rookies.  That's crazy.  All it took was Yahoo! to say jump...and experienced fantasy ballers jumped.   I have a theory that simply states to just do not draft rookies.  What is the downside to drafting a vet that has a body of work instead of a college player?  It's so simple, yet if Yahoo! says that you need to dance with these noobs, then odds are you're dancing.  The fantasy gurus over there really do know more than you, or me...but they are not the end all.  Go with your gut  sometimes not your Yahoo! O-Rank list.  In this case they were mostly wrong, as both Matthews and Best struggled in 10'.

My point is that these rankings are the rankings that are going to put the players on peoples teams.  Like it or not if you see that LeSean McCoy is ranked as the 11 overall player....well that means that if you were hoping you could sneak him in late round 2 or early round 3...you can't.  He will go first round.  Write it down and send it in.  He may very well not be first round talent, but if the Yahoo! guys say he is...and they have...then hes going to go where they say.

Lets go over their top players at each position.  I will share some of my thoughts and opinions about players that I had last year and maybe a few who I was hoping to get this year.  I might tell you where I "thought" they would be, where I "wanted" them to be, and where I fully expect them to go.  Since my league, Detroit MI CCY, and the lions share of Yahoo! leagues are 12 team leagues, I will show the top 12 players or the first string guys in each position.  And no, I'm not including the kicker.  Kickers are gay.  You know what else is gay?  My computer being 3000 degrees right now.  My wrists are sweating.

Actually let's stop this post here.  I will do more research and post my thoughts and my rambles in the next day or so giving me time to think before I blog.  Thanks for reading.

To be continued................