29 March 2012
14 March 2012
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One Shining Moment
It's the most wonderful time of the year. I have brackets on brackets on brackets. I know the stigma of "too many bracket guy", and how douchey of a move it is to have more than one. This year I deemed it appropriate to have 5 brackets based on complete nonsense. I tried to find Obama's bracket just to see how he does, but either it's a confidential national security measure to not release it until Thursday, or my google skills are lacking. At any rate, here are some highlights of my asinine brackets:
1. Mascot Fierceness - My Cinderella story, in this case, was the Wichita State Shockers. I don't know what the mascot is exactly, but it's either a guy sticking a fork in a electrical socket, or the old thumb-over-ring-finger, two in the pink one in the stink move. Either way, a solid, fierce mascot.
My Elite 8: Kentucky, Duke, MSU, Florida, Kansas State, Florida State, Michigan and NC State
Winner: Kentucky Wildcats. Same mascot as my beer league hockey team. Fiercest. Mascot. Ever. #Meow.
2. Coin Flip - My roommate flipped a coin for every matchup, and it was fairly good news for University of Detroit fans. I'm pretty sure this might be the only bracket out of all of the documented brackets to have the Titans going to the championship game, only to suffer a heartbreaking loss. Hey, they had a 50/50 chance.
My Elite 8: Kentucky, Lehigh, Memphis, Murray State, Wisconsin, Cincinnati, Michigan, and Detroit
Winner: Memphis
3. Blindfold Bracket - I believe this to be the most interesting selection process. Wall Street Journal put together a way to pick, giving each team an alias, a range of their possible seed and ranking several categories (size, experience, 3-point shooting, etc.), so you can pick an unbiased bracket with your head and not your heart. Check it out for yourself.
My Elite 8: Kentucky, Duke, MSU, Missouri, Wisconsin, Ohio State, UNC, Kansas
Winner: Kansas. Normally I think Kansas is perennially the most overrated team in the country, but now that I think about it, they are very well balanced and Thomas Robinson is a beast. They could make a deep, deep run. Still not picking them in my money league.
06 March 2012
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Guillen Hangs Em Up
Well this is The Coalition's second number hanging in the rafters (The Worm being the first). Carlos Guillen decided to call it quits today, retiring as a member of the Seattle Mariners. Sure the guy wasn't a spectacular player, but lets give credit where credit's due here. My man was always one of my favorite Tigers. That's a fact! This guy was just dripping Swagu. From the golf ball-sized wad of dip he had in at any given time (even on the streets on off nights) to the more recent Jered Weaver shot; who wouldn't love this guy? Sure, his last few seasons were plagued with injury after injury, but when he came back he had a flair that many other players on the team didn't have. Most notably Ryan Rayburn. God I hate Rayburn.
I digress.
Guillen was the last Tiger to hit for the cycle, and the first to do so in God knows how long (free shot of minz to the first person who can give me an accurate stat here). Do you know how hard it is to hit for the fucking cycle? Real hard, yeah! Well on behalf of the bros here at the Coalition, I'm gonna hang that big number 9 up from our virtual rafters and give it a Stone Cold Steve Austin style salute. Slamming 2 diesels and throwin in a pinch of Cope. Here's to you Carlos
24 February 2012
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Red Wings Streak Ends at 23
The record-breaking streak is finally broken. That's how I feel in my heart..."broken". They say "all good things must come to an end," but I never thought I would have ended like this. Despite being out-shot, out-hustled, and the absence of Pavel Datsyuk, I don't think any of that had to do with the loss. The main factor is the fact that a close, but will remain unnamed, friend did not take me to the game. On Todd Bertuzzi bobble-head night, of all games. He has the audacity to call me minutes before he enters "the Joe" to tell me how I've been trumped by his girlfriend for the night. I bite my tongue and wish them well, knowing that as much as I do enjoy his girlfriend, I know that I have been in the arena for 4 out of the 23 home wins, and she has not been there for one. I hang up the phone and place my head in my hands. Hockey superstition sets in, and I begin to sweat. Here I am sitting on the same couch in my living room, in the same underwear, wearing my same Red Wings hat, and eating the same dinner I've had before every Red Wings home win during the streak, and something just felt off. Okay, maybe I'm exaggerating, and I know it's not completely their fault the Wings lost. But I'd be lying if I said that I didn't think that, had it been my butt in the seats at "the Joe", the Red Wings would be looking to win #25 on Saturday. Save the date nights for Pistons games, boss. Let this be a lesson to us all.
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Combine, Schmombine
The NFL combine is so lackluster. I feel like everything I hear about it is how a lot of the drills aren't really important in assessing a player. so this year there's only 2 aspects of the combine that I'll keep an eye out for.
1. 225 lb bench press - I wanna see how many times these guys can bench 225 solely to compare it to my boy Cuci. I'll see how many times he can throw it up and assess real strength from there. Like Mark Sanchez prolly ripped it 8 times, Cuci could probably do about 22, I would guess. Sanchez: pussy, Cuci: man. But then there's Former Alabama RB Trent Richardson who reps 480 lbs on the reg because "they won't let me go no higher". I bet he gives 225 a ride for about 40 reps.
2. Rich Eisen's 40 yard dash time -
For the past couple years, NFL Network's Rich Eisen has ran a 40 and let NFL Network cover it. In and of itself, this idea is hilarious and brilliant television, but I can't help to feel some disdain for Rich when I heard about this. In 2011, Rich ran a 6.18 second 40. That's pretty damn good, but I'll be damned if I let a 42 year old, University of Michigan grad out run me in the 40. I'd like to think I could crack 5.875 seconds, but reality is, it's probably closer to 6. You better believe I will be running the 40 every year from now on, this time of year, to see if I can beat Rich, and if I don't I might just retire athletics for life.
22 February 2012
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Stars and Bars Baby!
It was 32 years ago today that "The Miracle on Ice" happened in Lake Placid, NY. United States Olympic hockey team ousted Russia on its way to winning the Gold! This shit gives me the chills every time I watch it. A true underdog story combined with the greatest country on God's green earth layin it down! You're a FOOL if you think this isn't a good enough reason to get a USA chant going at the bar this weekend. A damn fool I tell ya! So smoke em' if ya got em'. Here's lookin at you, Uncle Sam!
21 February 2012
20 February 2012
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Pitchers, Catchers and Fielder(s). Oh my!
Holy Shit! Holy Shit! Holy Shit! Is this real life? Look, I know we signed this dude weeks ago. Trust me, I almost lost my job over trying to get my season tix package renewed. But this is the real deal right heeya! Pitchers and Catchers reported to Lakeland today. Oh and so did Prince Fielder..
And Miggy...
..sober Miggy, at that.
This like makes it official right? Prince Fielder is officially "in a relationship" with the Detroit Tigers (and me too by default). He and Miggy were chatting it up (Oh, to be a fly on the wall for that convo) before they went and swung the sticks. Spring Training is here, and opening day is right around the corner. I can already taste the beers at Elwood's, and the snatch at bouzoukis... and the stale bologna at Wayne County Correctional. We got a wicked wild crew this year and you better believe your bottom when I say we're selling DTBC swag outside CoPa all summer! "Throw Some D on That Pitch!" Justin Verlander shirts on the reg!
On a more important note, I think this marks the 1 year anniversary of my first post. This blog has lasted longer than all of my past girlfriends combined. Touche, Coalition...Touche.
15 February 2012
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RIP Whitney....(I guess?)
Now let me be clear, I'm not blowing off Whitney Houston's death as just another insignificant story. She did die too soon and had an awesome voice. But I'm not gonna praise her life and light a candle cuz she's gone (she's no MJ). But she did make one of my favorite dance songs of all time. "I wanna dance with somebody" is timeless to say the least. Any time I hear this after 3 vodka/waters, I just GOTTA Dance! No matter the time of day or venue. This. Gets. Me. Going! If anything there's now more reason to play this song 4 times a night for the next 6 weekends.
And how did I not know how AWESOME this video is! I'm gonna drunk blog this video on my phone on the reg. Live on location at some shitty bar in Royal Oak. @WildWildSteve #GetAtMe
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All I do is Lin Lin Lin. No Matter What!
Is Jeremy Lin not the hottest thing out right now? Linsanity! Lin Diesel! He's the Tebow of the NBA. Except he's good at what he does... And probably has never given a circumcision to anyone. I picked this dude up on my fantasy waivers and I've been killing it ever since. Like he makes the rest of my roster better. Why can't The Pistons luck out like this? Just invite a guy to play on your D-league squad and then when he gets his chance he shines. Walker D Russel just aint gonna cut it, Joe. Gotta run though, I got a bandwagon to jump on!
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YouTube Me, Bro...
I can almost hear this kid saying "YouTube me Bro!" as he skates away. Seems like the same kind of dude that turns down playing in a beer league when he's 26 because he's thinking "the competition isn't up to his level." Probably gonna grow up to be a miserable prick that hits his wife. But that's just a theory. Don't even THINK about bringing this shit around The Wildcats. Especially come playoff time. Little Doug'll put you on your ass faster than you can say "YouTube me!" #Smashtag
Seriously though, how sick is this goal?
14 February 2012
10 February 2012
02 February 2012
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Wildcats Playoff Run
What are the odds we can get this goin at Troy Ice Arena next Friday? Million to 1? So you're saying there's a chance?! Wildcats set to make a playoff push here in the month of February. WildSteve has already promised Jimmy Howard(Yes, our goalie's real name is Jimmy Howard) prostitutes after we win the 'ship. So why not dazzle the metro Detroit area with 1500 fans and a confetti explosion to watch the Wildcats bring home the Men's league trophy? We could get the legendary Jim Brockmeir to call the game, Mickey on the color commentary. Gotta shoot for the moon here folks. So come be a part of a sports fan flash mob, preferably uncontrollably drunk, and make a beer league hockey player's dream come true.
01 February 2012
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Eaasssy Money...
Well Super Bowl is right around the corner and for all you compulsive gamblers out there, Bovada has released all the prop bets. These are basically the bets on any and everything that is involved with the Super Bowl. Some people have a serious problem with this shit. They get in way too deep. Last year my old man celebrated the coin toss, said he dropped $2500 on it. To this day I don't really know if he was kidding or serious. I digress.
Well if parlays and betting the Vegas line isn't really the thing for you; The Coalition has some absolute LOCKS for the prop bets that can turn you a quick dime:
Bet 1: Over/Under 1:34 for Kelly Clarkston to sing the National Anthem
I timed out a performance at a Cowboys game at 1:32. Close call but you gotta figure this is the biggest stage of them all. See, home girl hasn't been in the spotlight much lately and she's ready to rock this son bitch. I bet she gets a long "glare,' "free," and most definately a stellar "brave" that puts her will into 1:45.
BET- OVER
Bet 2: Kelly Clarkston will omit at least 1 word from the Nationl Anthem
Again, KC's got a lot to prove out here today.She's got a new CD that dropped and a hit single. This is what stars are made of. I got faith in my girl here.
BET - There isn't a "No" option, I just really expect her to kill The Star Spangled Banner
Bet 3: Will Madonna wear fishnet stockings on the halftime show?
2 words: Varicose. Veins. Chick's way past her prime and I don't think the NFL is trying to bring sexy back to the halftime show anytime soon. Especially not with a Fifty-something Madonna.
BET - NO
Bet 4: Over/Under 3.5 times they show Peyton Manning during the game
Remember that time you re-mortgaged your house, sold your baseball card collection, or donated a bunch of sperm for extra cash? Well this is what you did it for! Eli playing in the house that Peyton built, with retirement talks in the air and a beef with his team's owner? Bet the HOUSE on the over! They show him 5 times at least!
BET - OVER
Bet 5 - What color will the Gatorade bath be?
I swear it's always yellow. At 5/2 you can't miss.
BET - Yellow
Other Notable Bets:
Coin Toss - NFC has won the coin toss 14 straight times. As a man of logic and mathematics, I'll go with the AFC this year.
Who MVP Thanks First - Teammates is 5/4. But Brady has a hard on for Belichick and i bet if the Pats win, coach gets first thank you. 12/1 - I'll take it.
Over/Under 1.5 times they show David Tyree's catch from 2008 Super Bowl- Well I've seen it about 1600 times this week alone. I imagine it's going to be a pretty close game, and when crunch time comes, they show it at least once. If there's a challenge flag thrown, there's your over.
Now go out there and put your kids' college fund to good use and make some money! Anything you win you split with The Coalition 60/40. Since I did all the work and we're currently banned from Google AdSense for trying to cheat the system. We're broke bitch!
28 January 2012
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Shit Detroit Guys Say
These videos are getting out of control. I figured I'd throw one up here since they are the latest hotness, but this video is case in point of how people can just throw anything up on the YouTube machine. This video was fairly accurate when they opened with "what up doe" and just turned into 'Shit some random black guy says' real fast. The only other good drops are "where do I live? uhhh, I stay in Southfield, but my moms... stay in Detroit," and "those Red Wings are cold," and "Who's this dude all the way behind me? He better back up before I get out here and stab him in the neck." Say those all day.
25 January 2012
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Coach Izzo's 400th Win!
Class act! Izzo mentions Coach K, Judd Heathcoat, Tubby Smith, Mateen Cleaves, and Draymond Green, to name a few. Just completely humble the whole time; cool as a cucumber. I love how he calls the milestone, "just a number." Well coach, it's a Hall of Fame number, don't be so modest.
P.S. I shook Izzo's hand at Ford Field one time during an MSU football game. Softest hands in the business. It's one of those things where I literally contemplated not washing my hand for weeks, but I was super drunk and had to piss like 15 minutes later. I'll never forgive myself for drunkenly making the mistake to wash my hands in the Ford Field bathroom, and tainting the closest I'll ever come to the Midas touch.
P.S.S Gus Johnson's commentary was just killing it all night. His game is PROPER! Is it March yet?
24 January 2012
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Is This Real Life??!
This is unbelievable! I'm stunned! I don't know what to do with my hands! Prince Fielder following Pop's footsteps and donning the Old English D! This has to be one of the biggest Free Agent moves in Detroit Sports history, right? The dude was the runner-up for NL MVP and hits about 40 homers on the reg. Coulda gone anywhere he wanted. So what does he do? Decides to pair with the AL MVP/Cy Young, and hit behind the guy who finished 3rd for AL MVP and knocked in about 30 dingers himself! Thinking of the batting order gives me a semi. Thinking of it once VMart comes back is better than taking 2 Cialis. And now I have a mess to clean up thinking about selling Opening Day tickets. But that'll have to wait.
Prince has some deep roots here, knocking balls outta Tiger Stadium during BP when he was 16. Following his dad around the city. It's no wonder Illich offered him the keys to the City basically. Nine years and almost a quarter of a billion is sick to say the least. But fuck it, if we can squeeze a few world series titles out in the next 5, I'm cool with it. Welcome to the D Prince! Make yourself at home! And can we suggest a walk up song for you?
16 January 2012
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Is this not a gold mine?!
Should I buy textsfrommom.com? This has to be a gold mine right? With all the texts from last night and texts from Bennett craze, this seems appropriate. How this domain is not already taken is beyond me but for $21 i can own that son bitch! Everyone would be able to post on it and it'll be the next big thing for sure. You're welcome.... Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
06 January 2012
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Two the hard way...
So apparently this video has gone viral (according to an article on Yahoo!). Someone taped a shitty high school basketball game and recorded 6 "flagrant" fouls that weren't called. Now I saw this and expected way more blood and carnage than this. I mean this kid honestly just did what he was supposed to do. He's the biggest dude on the court full of white dudes. Coach probably brings him in for one job and one job only; no easy buckets. All these just look like poor attempts at blocked shots by and uncoordinated fat kid, and a few cases of pure strenth overpowering these little guys. Keep up the good work and make em score two the hard way. I wonder what the scoreboard was on this?
On a side note: Yahoo! said this has gone viral? Youtube only had 33,000 views. I thought viral was half a mil at least? ANYWAY Im outtie for the weekend. Go Wildcats. Go Lions. Get weird.
04 January 2012
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I'da gone with Red Heads...
This is Brendan Gibbons' shining moment for sure. Kid's a mediocre kicker, and thank God UM was playing an ACC team, otherwise this coulda got ugly. But there's nothing like getting set up perfectly for your best one-liner you've worked on all year. It's like if I'm at a restaurant and our waitress laughs really hard. I get all excited and blurt out "Lady you're scarin' us!" then cackle madly with my friends. I digress.
Seriously though, bro couldn't believe the set up for this. You see him look over and use all his energy to fight off a smile before saying "brunette girls." Good strategy Hokester. I'd play for you any day. But spend some time to work on this kid's delivery.
03 January 2012
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2013 Winter Classic in the D?!
From Yahoo! Sports:The worst-kept secret around Citizens Bank Park during the 2012 NHL Winter Classic was thatIlya Bryzgalov is clinically insane.
The second worst-kept secret is that the next Winter Classic will be in Detroit next January.
It's at a point where people associated with the League speak about it with inevitability. In fact, Tom Wilson — President and CEO of Olympia Entertainment, which handles business operations for the Detroit Red Wings — was seen on-site in Philadelphia.
Where will it be held? Who will the Red Wings play? Where does the NHL go after that with its outdoor game?
Provided the Mayans aren't right and we're all still alive for this; this could be the single biggest thing to hit the D since the Superbowl! And/or Wrestlemania. I mean, could you imagine HBO crews following around Bertuzzi and Babcock while they drop F-bombs on a whim? Could Datsyuk's interpretation of anything rival Bryzgalov's monologue on the Universe? Well all that will remain to be seen. But believe you me, get an original Six team to dance with the Wings Jan 1 at CoPa and I'll buy 30 tickets. Flip them son bitches real quick for some extra beer/merchandise scratch. If we play Toronto and one of these Canadiens decide to go in the "OUT" door at Comerica you better give Netz his space. He'll rip a mans jawbone off. I seent it!
If the rumor mill turns out to be true I'll use some of my inside sources to get some of the best seats available! Bettman better get on his horse. After all, the conditions in the D are perfect for an outdoor game of puck...
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Hail to Those Motherfu@%#$
Maybe its just me, but I doubt it. Tonight I guaran-SHEED and guaran-TAY Michigan loses to Va Tech and Coach Rich (Beamer aka. the "not retarded...Rodriguez" kind) by 30+. Denard sucks and he can't throw. I hate Michigan and their WalMart fan base. Go GREEN!!! Wait, we already won.
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