14 March 2011

Dev's Dilemma

Tonight I got a phone call from Devin (fellow bro, seafood connoisseur and fighter jet enthusiast) stating a certain predicament he was faced with tonight. Backstory:
Devin gets a package (pictured above) sent to his apartment with the message "Happy Birthday" and addressed to a different person at his address. Now, Devin's birthday is months from now, and he called asking my advice on how he should handle this delicate scenario. As the lightbulb in my head flashed on, I thought: "what better way to help Devin make the right choice than to make it public and leave it up to the people."

Therefore, below is a set of possible scenarios:

A.) Do the right thing and return it to the post office

This would be a noble decision, and admirably so the right thing to do. And as we all know (largely in part thanks to the movie "Dazed and Confused") tampering with the mail is a federal felony offense. He could easily wipe his hands clean of this and submit it to the postal service to correct the error; or even hunt this dude whose name is on the box down via one of the many social channels available to him. But let's be honest; where's the fun in that?

B.) Open it up!

This is where the story can tree branch off into a virtually endless number of scenarios. If you're like Devin and myself, the sight of this unopened box in your living room would rip you apart. I mean, its a pretty good sized box (as shown to scale next to the Charter remote and Xbox controller). If returned, it could pick away at his very being having never known what was sent to his house. So lets say he opens it and...

1.) It's something shitty. Like a book on how to effectively manage your 401K, or a collection of Yanni CDs. Something that serves no benefit to him or our group of friends. So he is obligated to package it back up and then what? Toss it? And when the sender and intended consignee discuss the aforementioned package they come to the conclusion that it was somehow lost in the mail. In which case the postal service will do aboslutely nothing except maybe send a written apology (which has happened to me before, the USPS holds zero accountability and gives even less fucks). Or give it back to the postal office and claim that in the midst of the adrenaline rush derived from receiving the package, he failed to confirm that he indeed was the intended receiver. In which case I imagine the post office saying "oh yeah this shit happens all the time. In fact, many people just throw away shitty items they mistakenly receive in the mail"

2.) It's something sweet. Here is where my imagination runs wild. What if he opens it and its an iPad 2, or a brick of black tar heroin? This is the shit movies are made of here! Like what if it's some deeply thought out ploy to make Devin pay for his curiosity with his life (much like the movie "Phonebooth" or the far shittier "The Box").

Nevertheless, opening the box has to be the way to go, right? Well, here's where the followers come in.

I have convinced Devin to allow the package to remain untouched for the next 24 hours until the brog (bro blog) readers have determined what he should do with it. I can only hope that the decisions you all make are well-thought ones. All comments will be taken into consideration when Devin ultimately makes the final decision.


JBroven said...

Just open the fuckin thing! Stop acting like you weren't going to do it anyways.

I hope it's something sweet like opening day tickets.

Frank said...

Send it to the same name, but a different address. Keep the chain going.

Geds said...

Take whatever is in it. Replace it with a 12inch black dildo, bring to post office, send to the rightful Birthday boy/girl. Booyah.

MdotNetz said...

I really like Frank's idea. That being said, I would've opened it immediately as if it were addressed to me. It's the right thing to do. Then you assess whether you're going to keep the contents or not from there. That's your real dilemma.

At this point take advice from 2 great oldies songs.

1. If the contents are something shitty, then the choice is fairly easy. Take the advice of this song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0PcrBFCNFIU . I'd even whistle it the whole way to the post office.

2. The contents are sweet. Keep it. Leave the packages rightful owner singing this song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oRUyf8-zhak&feature=related . Sometimes winners win and losers lose. Such is life.

Candace Pfromm said...

Open it!!

Anonymous said...

Nice blog fag

C-Bus said...

nice comment troll ... OPEN THE MOTHER FUCKER.

C-Bus said...

... also, I bet it's a mail bomb.

Andrew said...

franks idea is a great one.....but open it!

Nathan said...

I'd return that shit. It's probably something shitty anyway. I've had this situation happen a few times at my apartment and it wont end well.

Gibby said...

Ya dude, I opened one before that said CONGRATULATIONS, and it was all girly, thought it could be something sweet like lotto tickets, or funny like a dildo and it ended up being this bridal shower picture book. Needless to say, someone put tons of time into it, it meant nothing to me and got thrown away.

Anthony said...

Last year we opened a package and it was just a keyboard for a computer. A couple days later the UPS guy came looking for the package and we had to tell him we didn't have it. That guy probably got fired and it was probably Dev's fault.

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