27 May 2011

I'm a Bel-ieber.

by Matt Netzel

Not exactly this moment I'm not. But after seeing these pictures, I'm on my way. Look, dude is legitimately crushing Selena Gomez... regularly. It's only a matter of time until they split up, and when they do, Biebs  is gonna tear apart every 25-37 year old actress, model, and recording artist in North America. He's gonna go Timberlake on us and make bad ass panty moistening jams. I never really understood why women freak the fuck out over The Beatles, Elvis, Backstreet Boys, and Bieber. Then again they're women and I can't explain anything about them psychologically.

Being a 25 year old male on the verge of Bieber fever is unsettling. It's how I imagine typhoid fever to be. I'm beet red(with embarrassment), I vomited(in disgust at myself), I'm lethargic(mainly because I'm generally lazy), and I'm delirious(obviously, I'm blogging about Justin Bieber).

Right now he's a geeky Canadian brat who thinks he's God's gift to pre-pubescent girls. When I was 15 I thought I was the shit too. I was a scrawny wanksta, smokin cigs and bonging tall boy Mike's hards. I thought I was the shit cuz I got my pee pee touched. But by the time I hit 20 my swag went through the roof and life was my oyster. I think all men experience a coming of age transition similar to this. It's not being arrogant, it's just realizing you're not a little bitch brat anymore and that you're literally better than 85% of people on the planet. It's just science. Biebs is getting to this point. While I can say I won't respect any of his music for at least 3 years, I'm interested in seeing what he's got. Dude's gonna be a pussy monster.

Editor's Note: This blog was brought to you by blogging and driving. Thanks, Blogger app. A guy actually honked at me and pointed at the road while screaming "DRIVE!" Sweet suggestion bro, but I got an audience to cater to, and not enough time in a day.

Editor's Note times 2: This is the second blog about Justin Bieber on this website. That is 2 more than I want. I'll try to tone it down.


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