04 June 2011

Takin' a Beet

#1 Beetlejuice
Part 1 of "Beetlejuice and the Top 25 Wack Packers"

Things we know about the Howard Stern Show's brightest star, Beetlejuice:

-  He gets high with the women
-  He don't know, this is not his chair
-  He's a badass man
-  He is 6'7" and weighs 800 lbs

Simply put, Beetle is the man.  He has a private talent manager/professional boxer Bobby Rooney whom he trains.  Beet is a media mogul having appeared in multiple movies, TV shows, has his own theme song that was composed and performed by Staind,  and has been hired to do voice overs in video games.

His movies include Scary Movie 2, Bubble Boy, Girls Gone Dead, Channel 101 and others.  Some if his TV appearances are are on Howard TV as a regular, WWE, Son of the Beach, True Crime New York, and Doggy Fizzle Tellevizzle.  Beet even stars in his own reality show, "This is Beetle" that runs on Howard TV.  All this while being a 3 foot midget with a pin sized head.  Beet, a native of New Jersey, has his own "tossing" gig.  When i say tossing, I mean exactly what it sounds like I mean.  You pay him to show up...everybody proceeds to take as much booze to the face as humanly possible, and you toss around Beet and a few other midgets he employs in a competition to see who can toss the midget the furthest.  He will makes appearances at events and bachelor parties, but only if you are ready to shell out Benjamins.  Interested?  Head on over to jollydwarf.com to book.

In 2008 Beet was a New York State Senator candidate.  Some of his stances on controversial topics included:

Abortion:  "I love abortion...it's good.  I gets high with the women.  I'm a badass man."

Tax Cuts:  "I'll pay the people of New York $1, 000, 000 and they'll pay only $24 in taxes.  I can get paid, and I get get laid.  I do dangerous shit you never seen people do before."

Education System:  "Everybody go to school for 44 years.  I'll bury that ass."

Drugs:  "I do drugs every day.  Kids should do drugs, faggots should do drugs.  Bitches and whores they can do drugs and they want to get high?  Hey...I got all the shit they can have."

Lester "Beetlejuice" Green is a midget, a retard, and a prick...but to the Stern Fan Nation and the rest of the Wack Pack he remains exactly where he belongs.  On top as a champion.  A true #1.

Stay tuned for Part 2 of "Beetlejuice and the Top 25 Wack Packers":   Gary the Retard


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