01 August 2011

Transformers 4: Spartan Remix

Transformers 4: Good football team to bad football team. Starring: Kirk Cousins (replacing Megan Fox).>

As hard as it is for me to say, the Michigan State Spartans are good at football...when did that happen? It seems like just yesterday Big Brother was destroying them by 40 points, they were losing to Central Michigan, and Coach John L. Smith was roaming the beaten and battered sidelines. When did the change take place? When will it end? The trend-proven answer to the second question is (drumroll please)...this year!

If we look at the past few seasons, it seems that every year Sparty has a good season (how that miraculously happens is a whole new question in itself), they turn around and have a completely shitty one. When I say shitty, I mean the infamous Sparty statue is in dire need of a pair of Depends.

To start off mildly, in 2001 the Spartans completed the season with a 7-5 record (and lost to Michigan, I might add). In 2002, they went 4-8 (lost to Michigan 49-3).

In 2003, they went 8-5 and made an appearance in the Alamo Bowl (however, another loss to UM). They turned around with a record of 5-7 the next year ( loss to Big Bro). Their only wins were against a weak MAC school in Central Michigan, 3 of the bottom teams of the Big Ten, and one solid victory against a good Wisconsin squad.

2008 turned out to be a good season for the MSU team and the East Lansing faithfuls: a 9-4 record, the first win against their Big Brother in 7 years, and a close loss in the Capital One Bowl to a 10-3 SEC powerhouse Georgia Bulldog team. 2008 was followed up with a disappointing 2009 season that included another loss to Central Michigan (does anyone else see a trend here?). Their only wins, except versus Northwestern, came against teams that were below .500. Some idiot did however place them in the Alamo Bowl; he must have been an alumnus of MSU.

This past 2010 season was the best season in school history for the bastards in green and white. Behind pretty boy Kirk Cousins, the Spartans sported an 11-1 regular season record, leading to their first share of the Big Ten Title in the history of this agricultural school. They also landed a spot in the Capital One Bowl, just shy of a BCS Bowl Game. I'd say their 2011 season started on January 1, 2011 in Orlando, where they were DESTROYED by an Alabama squad led by Flint-native Mark Ingram.

Maybe, just maybe, the Spartan football program rises and falls with the crop success, since it is an agricultural school and all. It's been a damn hot summer, taking a toll on the farms. It's only about a month until it takes its post-good-season toll on the East Lansing football team.

Stay classy, little brothers!