21 August 2011

Enough is Enough "In-the-Out-Door Guy"

When I'm at the ol' ball park and I have had about 150 ounces of adult beverages, I could pee my pants at any given moment. Holding your piss during the late innings of a close game is the most painful, frustrating feeling ever. The only other event /venue that it's nearly this bad is a concert at DTE. Most times at DTE I can at least sneak a piss into my empty beer cup while I'm still enjoying the tunes on the lawn. Not so simple at Comerica Park. The pissing situation on the main concourse is atrocious. Despite the 10 bathrooms meant to accommodate the 20,000 fans in the lower level, I know standing in line is a part of the not-pissing-my-pants game. I get to the back of the line after an unsuccessful attempt at a chat and cut. I stare at the exit just contemplating my go-to move at Joe Louis. If I don't go in-the-out-door, I will piss myself. 7 beers in 2 hours is a great idea until you're standing in line to piss. CoPa is filled with kids that could piss themselves at any given second, so I punish myself by waiting. Going in-the-out door at JLA is acceptable because you're forced to piss in the trough. It's not 100 people fighting over 14 pissers.
As soon as I'm on deck, a stream of middle aged assholes flood in the exit. Aw naw, hell naw. I cut one of them off on his way to the urinal. It gets the attention of all the in-the-out door guys. I go off on a Labatt's fueled diatribe about how in-the-out door is unacceptable at CoPa. These are probably the same guys that catch a foul ball and don't give it to the nearest child. My friends grab the open piss spots as I fuck these guys up with some truth. As I leave the restroom, the group of guys are huddled around the same exit they used to enter. They complain to their wives about getting bitched out. The wives point out that the door clearly says "Exit" and that if they tried this horse shit in the ladies room, they would leave cat-scratched up with a full bladder.
Moral of the story: In-the-out door at Joe Louis, acceptable; at Comerica Park, unacceptable.


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