12 July 2011

1,001 Ways To Fuck With A Retard

1001. Call them and represent yourself as the "Flu" or "Influenza" virus...thus scaring the retard which in turn provokes a cry out for help; with curses like "Shoo, shoo no retarded flu".  Watch

987. Trick the retard into arguing with an automated answering machine.  Watch

900. Insert the original retard into a situation where he interacts with another retard.  Crack beverage.  Repeat and enjoy.  Watch
#2  Gary the Retard

834. Do not ever, and I stress EVER, give them what they want.  Watch

750. Put the retard to the test by playing "Are You Smarter Than A Caribou".  There's no plot twist.  The retard will lose this match-up 10 of 10 times.  Watch

715. Spelling bee.  Watch

567. Have him call his own phone and leave a voice-mail.  Call the retard back immediately and play him the voice-mail he just left himself 5 minutes ago.  This will confuse the retard into thinking he is having his identity stolen.  Watch

480. Ask them to do favors for you which are light years above and beyond what they are capable of doing.  Watch

401. Cry in front of the retard and see how it goes.  Watch

220. When asked a question, in the response replace words with heavy breathing and only heavy breathing.  Watch

125. Direct the retard to into a situation where he must hear the voice of the late Billy Mays and respond.  Accomplish this any way you can.  No rules on this one.  Watch

60. Are you even the real retard?  Watch

18. Rain down rude insensitive comments on said "retard".  Watch

4. Use them as ammunition and attack Danny Bonaduce.  Watch

2. Karaoke. Big crowd. Extreme retardation mixed with an over-indulgence of alcohol.  Black Eyed Peas.  Lets get retard.  Enough said.  Watch

1.  Spend a good part of a day.  I'm talking like 4 straight hours...doing any thing and everything in your power to keep the retard on the phone.  It just keeps getting better and better and better.  Watch

Stay tuned for Part 3 of "Beetlejuice and the Top 25 Wack Packers":   Jeff the Drunk


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