18 July 2011

Hello Becker, Goodbye Pecker

A recent story out of the beautiful Garden Grove, California, has forced many men (and Lady Gaga) to grab their private parts in sympathetic pain. Catherine Becker and her husband were in the midst of a divorce, but still living together. Apparently she was not happy with the way things were going, so she did what any woman would do: she cut off his baby maker.

Why didn't he fight her off? This is clearly one of the two times domestic violence is acceptable (the other time is when a woman changes the channel in the last two minutes of any sporting event). Well, to defend his manhood, she drugged him via the man's greatest weakness: food. He then complained of feeling sick just before losing consciousness. Becker tied his arms and legs to the bed and then this sick biatch waited for him to wake up before she cut off his member with a 10-inch knife. She could have at least done him the common courtesy of doing it while he was unconscious. But, then again, what a wake up call that would be.

As you can clearly see, this poor man's life was plummeting downhill quickly. His last glimmer of hope was probably at least to take his willy to the ER and possibly have it reconnected. Becker quickly slammed that door of hope shut when she threw it down a sink garbage disposal, allowing her husband to hear it being chopped into a million pieces.

There are two morals to this story:

1) Women-I don't care what your man has done to you. If you want to get back at him, I would recommend no beer and ESPN for a month. YOU might even regret cutting off his penis later down the road.

2) The border patrol between the U.S. and Mexico clearly isn't aggressive enough.

This man will still be able to urinate and have sexual relations properly after reconstructive surgery is conducted. One thing I do know, his almost ex-wife definitely isn't getting any from him anytime soon.


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